Sunday, July 03, 2005

Hooptyrides - Honest Cars for Liars

Purchase was difficult and required extensive negotiations. This is no Barrett Jackson auction with assholes in blazers jumping up and down to convince the rich and stupid that Hemis are worth a million dollars. You will not see a Ford Country Squire of this demeanor at Scottsdale or Monterey. To find an automobile's true character, look for giant pools of transmission fluid and often the source is a neglected jewel. In my negotiations, I was pitted against an unnamed bidder that had made a preliminary offer of a small wad of dirty bills, a free apartment carpet cleaning and a bag of grass. Imagine that scenario at Barrett Jackson.
"The fellow in the woody wagon themed aloha shirt has bid $125,000, a case of Mickey's Big Mouth, a carton of Marlboro Menthols, a 27" color television, a halogen desk lamp, a Tweety Bird steering wheel cover, last Sunday's coupon insert, a roll of quarters, a white leather women's fringe jacket, a pair of jumper cables and tub of port wine cheese spread. Do I hear, $130,000, a free apartment carpet cleaning and a bag of grass? Going once..."
- Ford Country Squire put up on open market
- Ford Country Squire removed from open market, back into collection
- Interior and exterior cleaned
- All exterior trim and roof rack removed. Wet sanded entire car by hand. Random orbit sanded faux wood sides
- Cleaned the hell out of the engine
- Tuned up, installed Pertronix electronic ignition, new cap, rotor, plug wires. Back firing resolved.
- Masked and primed the faux wood sides for new super deluxe treatment
- Deliver to Jose Lopez for legendary ghost town creepy paint job
- Asked Jose to paint real extra scary hood ornament and he did
- Completely disassemble third row seats, wire brush foot well, treat with POR-15, spray with trunk splatter paint and reassemble. I think I have photos of this process and it turned out extremely fantastic beyond expectations.
- Replace leaky Motorcraft carb with Holley 750 CFM four barrel. A little big? Sure, but you use what you got! Note: if anybody has any clever ideas of how to get the original air cleaner to fit on the Holley, I would love to hear it.
- Replaced carpet
- Install drag race seat belt
- Fixed exhaust leaks
- Fixed (some) of the trans leaks
- Changed oil and filter
- Tuned up all door handles and lock mechanisms
- Disassembled tail gate and cleaned considerable flora and limited fauna
- Replaced hood chrome lip, hood rubber bumpers
- Replaced battery
- Jose finishes wood sides with coordinating fiberglass wood surrounds
- Reassemble faux wood trim with new WellNuts (extremely difficult to find the right WellNuts)

Still to do
- Replace dome light
- Replace letters on hood
- Rebuild some front end components
- Finish interior
- Replace rear window switch
- Replace Country Squire side chrome trim
- Other trans leak?
- Drag race
- Address crummy looking wheels