Hoopty Rides

Lurking Behind

2012-01-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

Bought a sweet little quartersawn oak desk the other day and removed hardware for cleaning. Like finding change under the backseat of a used car, these washers were a bonus.

Funco

2011-05-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

From a Craiglist ad and a period photograph for inspiration, this looks like a lot of fun. A 'Caveman' style paint job on this old Funco would be difficult to deny.

Occasionally, during bench racing sessions, I try to convince friends that we should form a racing league of buddies that all have the same car. A shared platform. So we are all working on the same knowledgebase and collecting swappable spares. Randy points out that we are doing that with bicycles, which is true and fun, but I am not sure it is Funco-level fun.

On craigslist. I wonder if it starts.

UN Chevrolet Caprice

2010-09-29T23:29:00.000-07:00

Realizing this doesn't look like much of a car, I must defend (and honor) this Caprice. Cheap high gloss black paint job, Police Interceptor badge from a Ford, ex-cop car with giant anti-sway bars, tinted windows, cop hub caps with stainless beauty rings and a UN sticker in the rear window. Hard to imagine a sticker could elevate a car so much but, there it was! A crackpot nut, a wanna-be diplomat, a prankster, completely random or all the above? I found it really inspiring.

Harbor Freight Contractor Series

2010-08-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

I recovered an old bike saddle with a Kate Spade knock-off bag as a fabric donor. I must admit, I was capably assisted by my garage sale find Harbor Freight Central Pnuematic Contractor Series staple gun. However, that Contractor Series tag does give pause.

It may as well say, "I am an idiot."

Recovered Saddle

Blessed Tool Box

2010-08-13T00:18:00.000-07:00

I am happy with how this turned out.

We Loan Tools on Coco's Variety

Apologies (and thanks) to those that read Coco's and D+R

Suspended Sonnet

2010-08-11T20:46:00.001-07:00

Stopped by Chris and Jeremy's shop today and they were busy hanging a Saab Sonnet body from the ceiling. Chris pointed out the merits of anything that is that big and that orange. Good point.

The Literary Demands of eBay Sellers

2010-08-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

You know the situation. Based on a picture on eBay, you find something that you would like to make room for in your life. Following a single incomplete descriptive sentence with four ellipses, the demands start.

I have enough rules in my life. Perhaps, if the conditions for sale were presented in 12 point type, I would be able to comply with their eBay Nation of Me. Instead, I think, "dammit, I have enough stuff. They can stick it in their ear."

Maker Faire 2010

2010-05-18T16:35:00.001-07:00

This weekend! I will be there, will you? If you see me, please say hello! In addition to wandering around, I will be MCing the Center Stage.

Who else is going? D+R's own Mark Frauenfelder. D+R guest Garth Johnson will be and I think D+R guest Kevin Kidney will also be making the scene. And I wouldn't be surprised to see D+R guest Todd Lappin.

Ultradeluxe, Deluxe Version

2010-05-07T11:25:00.001-07:00

Following my post on the ultradeluxe rattle can gold package, David of the Hemmings blog has taken to testing our patience by withholding full details about this 24K plated Austin Healey. We are waiting for further information with great anticipation.

1958 Austin Healey 100-6

Ultradeluxe

2010-04-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

This is not one of my vehicles but does look like something I would do. That is not, necessarily, a compliment.

Searching and Replacing Jobs' Flash Statement

2010-04-29T12:35:00.000-07:00

Steve Jobs wrote a well-reasoned argument for Apple's resistance to Flash. I thought it was articulate, clear and technical without being overly so. I found myself nodding along. He doesn't sweep Apple's propriety systems under the carpet, he acknowledges them right up front.

However, a big chunk of his criticism could be equally applied to Apple's own policies. For kicks I did some search and replacing:

Replace Adobe with Apple
Replace Flash with closed, as a catchall for Apple's myriad of closed technology

Of course, Job's statement is very specific to Flash technology so the search and replace is not seamless, but it does create some funny paragraphs.

Before:

Adobe’s Flash products are 100% proprietary. They are only available from Adobe, and Adobe has sole authority as to their future enhancement, pricing, etc. While Adobe’s Flash products are widely available, this does not mean they are open, since they are controlled entirely by Adobe and available only from Adobe. By almost any definition, Flash is a closed system.

After:

Apple’s closed products are 100% proprietary. They are only available from Apple, and Apple has sole authority as to their future enhancement, pricing, etc. While Apple’s closed products are widely available, this does not mean they are open, since they are controlled entirely by Apple and available only from Apple. By almost any definition, closed is a closed system.

I like that last sentence. Wish I came up with it.

Gas Filler Neck Hose

2009-10-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

Know what happens when the hose between the gas cap and the tank disintegrates? The gas pours on your feet at the gas station. Besides being awful for the environment, it is terribly embarrassing.

Corvette Summer Living

2009-08-18T21:39:00.001-07:00

The question is not do you want to buy the car, but who is that sitting on the fender? Showing up to purchase this vehicle would necessitate a trip with the seller to their local bar. There would be some excuse to accompany like "the only blue ball point pen in 30 miles." Once there, if you were cordial, you would be able to satisfy this social contract, have a beer and still emerge a 'good guy', squinting in the late, low slung sun of Reseda. However, if you managed to hang in there for a couple of beers and - god forbid - a shot, well then you are sort of stuck. Like a cross between novel plaything and a prisoner. Though, in those dark moments, you may learn the sexual orientation of the individual sitting on the car.

Corvette on eBay

Hard Earned Experience - 20 Things I Learned About Antennas

2009-08-10T17:52:00.000-07:00

As I own a coin laundry with three television sets, the digital television conversion has been a particularly thorny transition. Admittedly, the coin laundry industry deals with a more complex matrix of considerations than would present themselves to consumers and most businesses. For example, the theft deterrent aspect of a tube television is of great benefit.

For years, analog antenna reception has been a wonderfully worry-free proposition. It was cheap, reliable and yielded a high quality picture. Digital TV has been less successful.

1. Winegard offers an impressive array of products.
2. Antennaweb is great.
3. VHF/UHF/FM antennas are not great at VHF, UHF or FM. They are a compromise for everything.
4. Antennas are fairly cheap, very light and mounting bracket choices are plentiful.
5. Antennas are sharp and will cut you.
6. Distribution amplifiers from Radio Shack are worthless.
7. Mast mount amplifiers from Winegard help quite a bit.
8. KMEX channel 34 is a particularly popular TV channel. Interruption of that channel causes great aggravation.
9. KMEX Channel 34 is a particularly difficult channel to receive.
10. The digital TV signal is in the same frequency ranges as UHF/VHF. Therefore, a digital TV antenna is no different than a regular TV antenna.
11. The different length antenna tines are tuned to different frequencies. The short ones are for UHF.
12. UHF is directional, so if you are trying to tweak and peak UHF channels, like KMEX Channel 34, point the short tines towards the signal per antennaweb.
13. 300 ohm to 75 ohm converters are still required.
14. The true geeked out solution is to have a tall mast with separate VHF, UHF and FM antennas daisy chained together with twin lead wire.
15. Cable and satellite service for a business is about 8 times more expensive than the same service for home.
16. Electronic City in Burbank is always impressive and their knowledge of TV antenna technology is very robust. They are generous with good advice which is a great value.
17. Digital TV is a much more difficult signal to capture. Analog is much, much more forgiving.
18. It is very difficult to find digital tube TVs.
19. Mistake - trying individual powered 35db gain antennas on each TV because you think that you are over-splitting the signal is a bad approach.
20. Overkill it. Buy bigger antennas and taller masts.

In the end, I have two masts, two VHF/UHF/FM antennas, 1 UHF antenna, a mast mount amplifier, 2 new Coby TVs, 1 new Coby TV that arrived DOA and 1 broken TV power switch caused by individual so angry that they couldn't watch the telenovelas that they hit the television with a stick.

Wiring Harness

2009-08-09T14:37:00.000-07:00

After on-again/off-again working on this wiring harness, today I finally decided to just start from scratch. To rebuild the harness was a fraction of the time I had dedicated to troubleshooting. A couple of things to remember for next time: solid core wire is definitely the way to go with that style of light socket and solderless crimp connectors are for suckers.

The Type of Screw That Holds Plastic Bullshit Together

2009-08-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

I have always loved the term 'nail straightener' as it refers to an individual so pragmatic and so frugal that they will straighten an old nail for reuse. When the term is used, which is infrequent, it is often a term of derision to poke at the sensibilities of an individual who has such a low opinion of the value of their own time that they would engage in such penny folly.

Though I don't straighten nails, I do cut the power cords off discarded VCRs that have been left in alleys. And before I throw away a plastic coffee maker or inkjet printer, I salvage all the screws that hold it shut. Beyond being frugal, it is an issue of not being able to buy that type of screw. Screws for holding plastic cases shut are vaguely self tapping, usually chrome plated, with threads finer than a wood screw but not as aggressive as a drywall screw. Ubiquitous in the world, holding our junk together, this type of screw never makes an appearance in even the most well stocked hardware stores.

I suppose if you are specing hardware for manufacture, you know the real name, but I simply know it as The Type of Screw that Holds Plastic Bullshit Together.

Lettering, Part 2

2009-07-19T16:08:00.001-07:00

I wanted to open a sticker department at Coco's Variety and considered taking this old wood flat file to Jose to have the top painted. Having painted the facade of Coco's, our parking signs, our chisel and our bicycles, I knew that he could do the job with style and panache. Although he is extremely reasonably priced, times are tight and we are counting every penny so I decided to give hand lettering another try.

Rather than engage in the extraordinarily amateurish efforts of freehand again, I used the magic of Photo-Lettering to create a template to work from. Excepting the disastrous connecting of the C and the K into a giant blob, I think it turned out pretty well.

Apologies to House Industries, Photo-Lettering and Ed Benguiat.

Unstealable

2009-06-17T10:13:00.001-07:00

Motiv, known as a low end department store purveyor of comfort and "mountain" bikes, appears to have been on the golden path at some point in the 1980's. If you line up a group of Miyatas, Nishikis, Univegas and Bridgestones, you will discover that the frames are all very similar to one another as they were assembled by the same Japanese frame manufacturer. Looks like Motiv had a couple made by them, too.

Motiv made a lot of the same aesthetic mistakes that others made in the 1980's. This frame became a donor of components to get another, less "aesthetically challenged" bike on the road. Hanging on a hook and ignored at Coco's Variety for months, I decided I would refashion it into an unstealable bike.

Sure, it is dusty, but that is some pretty decent looking lug work!

Each time House Industries sends a parcel, the box is full of stickers. Naturally, they are great and I will occasionally slap one on my PeeChee folder, but it proved just too many to deal with. They make stickers for everything. I mean, just how full of themselves are they?

With at least 40 stickers at hand, I thought I could fix two problems at once: Cover the dubious pink/gray/white paint job on the Motiv and use up the pile of stickers on my desk. Thus, I figured, I would create an unstealable bike. Not that it is too ugly to steal, because I think it turned out pretty sick, but nobody would steal it as no human could have the patience to peel all those stickers off.

With an X-acto knife, I trimmed around every braze-on, the water cage bosses and around each lug. Rather than looking like a bunch of randomly tacked on junk, I think it gave the lowly Motiv a pretty finished look.

A Soul SR stem and no name Japanese drop bars. A Frankenstein, for sure. All mismatched components. The rear wheel is Schrader while the front is Presta.

Everything is Japanese and definitely at the low end of mid-grade quality. It is like a who's who of non-collectible parts - Sugino, Suntour, SR, Araya, Shimano 105 - yet it rides great. Feels light, rides light.

Concours d'LeMons

2009-04-16T15:07:00.000-07:00

This could have just been a goof, but the d'LeMons crew shows their true automotive passion through the myriad of event categories. My favorite:

Vacuum-Carb Era, 1973-1983 For: Cordoba, Mirada, Monza, etc.

An inside joke for those that have suffered the business end of a vacuum, semi-electronic carburetor.

Concours d'LeMons Categories (Thanks, Aaron!)

Hand Lettering

2009-02-13T18:08:00.000-08:00

When I saw the Von Dutch-lettered gold Snap-On toolbox at the Brucker auction, I immediately bought myself a can of fire engine red One Shot enamel paint with the plan to hand letter everything I own. Well, that was a few years ago and I never did get around to trying it out. Until now.

As I know some fellas with stone cold lettering skills, the fact that I am willing to display my extraordinarily amateurish first attempt borders on disgraceful. An insult, if you will, to their epic talent and my stunning lack of the same. But, as amateurs, the only thing we have going for us is our brazen willingness to try.

So, there they are. First, I did HAMMER. In case the hammer forgot it was a hammer. Or, I suppose, if I forgot it was a hammer. I immediately regretted that goofy H.

Then I did SMALL HAMMER, which is, arguably, my most successful attempt. The skill is no better than the others, but it was a better design.

Then ANOTHER HAMMER which probably could have survived without that trailing R but I do like the stacked M's.

Finally, I did 1 LAST HAMMER. As you can see I attempted a rudimentary pinstripe. Though I am fond of hot rod flourish-y pinstriping, my goal was more of a locomotive style stripe of outlining the lines of the object. Though not accomplished, it is successful enough to try again. I always thought it would be cool to outline every contour of a black engine block with a bright green stripe.

When I have watched sign painters and pinstripers, I always thought the way they brace their hands like tripods to steady themselves looked very awkward. I would pretend I was painting, trying to replicate how they had their hands, but it just didn't feel workable. Well, after 3 minutes of painting I found myself doing the same exact thing - unconsciously.

Chevrolet COE for Suckers

2009-02-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

Chevrolet COE, Highway 126, between Fillmore and the 5

If your name is Oliver Stanley Tommygun, you won't even need to paint the door! Or Oksana S. Tuxedo - she wouldn't have to paint the door either.

Having driven by this truck 20 times, I finally had to stop, take picture and see what sort of a scam they were perpetuating on the For Sale sign. As I have a new steely resolve to resist any time/money sucking projects, I merely stopped as a curiosity. Just for kicks. Just to see what people are up to in this crazy bing-bong world. Just to see what sort of bullshit values people are able to convince themselves of in that moment when Sharpie meets For Sale sign, when they have given up but picture some city slicker coming by with a Halliburton case full of cash.

$4000! Ah, yes. I read on and it did give me moment of pause. I thought it said, "Really Strong Runner" and I thought, "huh. Ain't that the pickles?" Somebody actually spent the time to rebuild that dried out old Rochester carburetor, replaced all the brake lines and wheel cylinders, bought new brake shoes, replaced the master cylinder, rebuilt the front end, put on new shocks, adjusted the valves and swapped out the water pump when the bearing sounded like a jet engine. All this assuming the engine wasn't seized. Then, I read closer...

"Really Strong Fixer"

Ha! Not me. Not this time! I learned my lesson!

NY Times: The Los Angeles of Ry Cooder and Mister Jalopy

2008-11-22T16:09:00.001-08:00

A few months ago, Ry Cooder and I went out to the dry lakes with the Old Crow Speed Shop, the Bobby Green Bellytanker and the New York Times. The article is out tomorrow and it is wonderful.

There is the Los Angeles that people imagine, of red carpet premieres, Botox lunches, velvet rope nightclubs, Venice bodybuilders and tony boutiques. It is not a fable. That is real. Or, at least, it physically exists.

Then there is the Los Angeles that I know. Aerospace surplus hardware stores, smoky and ashtray-less Koreatown English hunt club bars in crumbling hotel basements, perfect beer buzz lunches in filtered sunlight at the Farmer's Market , the wild dogs of Pacoima, sprawling thrift stores, trolling junkyards for old diaries and Polaroids, the drag races at Pomona, chrome plating shops, backyards stacked with 300 bicycles, gold miners eager to show their biggest nuggets, fishing for carp in the Los Angeles River, optimists taking over art museums, the nicad battery selection at Electronic City, the metal patination case at Industrial Metal Supply, Kit Kraft Hobby, the gem vault at the Natural History Museum, the Szechuan peppercorns of Alhambra, the churlish bartenders at Hop Louie, the sneaker shops of Little Tokyo, the imported coldcuts at Monte Carlo Deli, the Japanese garden on the roof of the New Otani Hotel, the bicycle swap at the Encino Velodrome, the DDR kids at the Santa Monica Pier, the mustard at Philipes, the dim sum carts of Monterey Park, the carnitas at Carrillos, the buffalo at Hart Park, the Kris Special at the Waystation, the netsuke room at LACMA, the Remington Rolling Block at the Backwoods Inn, the coffee shop at the LA Police Academy, the abandoned restaurant with leather walls at Union Station, the yardage of the Garment District, the abandoned fire station in the Toy District with the quartersawn oak lockers viewable through the crack in the door, the first two rows of lowrider history at the Pomona Auto Swap, Abe Lincoln's hat at the Huntington Library, the camellia forest of Descanso Garden, the bolt room of Roscoe Hardware that is hidden in a kitchen remodeling home center, the genius at the Museum of Jurassic Technology, the chile pepper booth at the Grand Central Market, sneaking to the top balcony of the Bradbury Building, the threadbare and dented Variety Arts Center, the orange groves of the 126 and the secret utility salvage yard in the northeast San Fernando Valley.

Ry and I share this Los Angeles and it was fun to show it to Lawrence. He did us proud. Los Angeles tries to throw itself away every day but we are still gold prospectors, hot rodders and guitarists. Our fundamental awesomeness will not be impinged.

Ry Cooder's American West

Some Expenses Spared

2008-10-16T14:29:00.000-07:00

Ah, yes. The Camaro. One of the automobiles from the stable that has not elicited a single mention on Hooptyrides. Initially, I envisioned having this car for a mere month or two. Do a little work and flip it for a modest profit.

My intent was simple - I wanted the Camaro for the sole purpose of driving to Tommy's Hamburgers while listening to Van Halen. Then I discovered the 2 broken studs failing to secure the lowly, leaking 2 barrel carburetor - the cause of lackluster acceleration answered, as it sucked air, diluted the air to fuel ratio and bogged down. And that, my friends, is how little projects become big projects. The Camaro is done. Or, done-ish. Done as it is going to be. And it took a year.

I do believe I have finally learned my lesson: There are no quick projects. Right now I sit here before you, humbled by my lack of timely progress, and I commit to you, never again. Only heart and soul projects from here on out. I will leave the quick flips and modest profits to those who can actually extract those few dollars in reasonable time frames.

Since the time of this photo, I added an additional Van Halen album, Unchained. And, recognizing that not all passengers rock it at the same level as the more senior heshers in the Hooptyrides inner circle, I have also included Kiss Alive! for those preferring their metal more bar-band-make-up-wearing in nature.

Purchased at the seat cover hut in the parking lot of the Echo Park Alta Dena dairy, the leopard skin seat covers were a completely satisfying upgrade. At a mere $40, the proprietor installed the covers for no additional charge. With the texture of a stuffed animal won at the carnival, the seat covers tend to pull themselves out of shape with every egress and ingress. No matter, I love them. As engaged readers have already noticed, I also added a lace-up, faux leather steering wheel cover. It sounds ridiculous, but it makes a tremendous difference.

As you can see, the House 33 sticker really jazzes things up. When you start so low, modest improvements are palpable.

There are levels at which Hooptyrides addresses deferred maintenance issues. It is a complicated matrix of variables which includes cost, availability of parts, seriousness of aesthetic detriment, safety concerns, time required and, perhaps most importantly, sloth.

Level 1 - Restoration
Pebble Beach grade restoration will require finding NOS parts that are date coded to the correct year. The bolt heads will align along a common axis. The installation will be at the level of a pro restoration shop - far exceeding original factory specifications.

Level 2 - Refurbishment, New Parts
With reasonable attention to detail, individual will replace offending components with newly manufactured reproduction parts that appear as new to all but the snootiest, number-matching snobs.

Level 3 - Refurbishment, Used Parts
Junkyards are scoured to find replacement components from the same general year, make and model. The condition would best be described as "better than what I had before."

Level 4 - Best We Can Do, No New Parts
For example, in this case, the bumper of the car would be removed, any broken hardware would be discarded and a best attempt would be made from the selections available at Home Depot.

Level 5 - Not the Best We Can Do, No New Parts, Source Material Restricted to Contents of Kitchen Junk Drawer
This is the sort of repair that you encounter on an aging automobile that is collapsing in on itself. As the cost of professional work starts to eclipse the value of the car, the repairs have a decidedly more creative flavor. As you unravel your new crappy car purchase, you will find drywall screws holding together the goddamnedest things.

Level 6 - Parking Lot
Repairs executed using only materials found in a parking lot at midnight.

Level 7 - Removal of Components
Think of this as surgery without the finesse. As issues crop up, simply remove the part and see how the drive ability is effected. I would say, on average, most automobiles are over-fastened by at least 20%. In other words, removal of one fifth of the bolts, nuts, screws, clips and fasteners will not categorically lead to complete failure.

Level 8 - Do Nothing
The most dangerous. When you are completely disengaged from the automobile, failures come with a suddenness that is not only dispiriting, but also quite dangerous.

Though the Camaro is considerably more solid than I found it, there are certainly still easter eggs to be found. For example, there is a terrific example of farmyard welding to patch the exhaust system. With ample MIG wire still remaining at the site of the repair, the hole is mostly closed with just enough of a leak to produce a satisfying growl. The effect is particularly effective while driving through a tunnel - heavy on the gas with the V-8 roar echoing off the walls until you are bearing down on a hapless Hyundai only to lift off the gas to produce an epic backfire amplified by the close quarters. People get out of the way, I assure you.

For the shortcuts and outstanding issues remaining on The Sister Golden Hair Surprise Camaro, I must say, when you are sailing down the road and listening to Van Halen under full V-8 power, you really do find yourself saying, with a shit eating grin, "This is a nice fucking car! It is a piece of shit, but it is a hot fucker!"

Now, it is not a nice car in comparison to a new Honda from the perspective of performance, economy, quietness, comfort, climate controls, visibility, stopping distance or handling, but it has a definite appeal. People give you the thumbs up at stop lights. Fans come and talk to you at gas stations. Wild Stories are told about similar cars. I suppose that is what it boils down to - it is a car that feels like adventure.

Bad decisions are more likely in a 1977 Camaro.

Epic 1943 Dodge Carry-All Project

2008-09-05T17:29:00.000-07:00

If the scope of this 2 year Dodge Carry-All reconstruction does not give you an upset stomach, then you are clearly a stronger individual than I! My goodness, this is a lot of work. Just the fabrication of the interior birdcage support is two weekends worth of busted knuckles.

Having documented lots of project construction, I can attest that it is difficult to find the time and patience for documentation when you are up to your nose in metal filings and rancid brake fluid. So, hats off to MooseCreekMaple, as this is a fine archive you have assembled.

Power Wagons, Dogs and Adventures (Thanks, JB!)

Breaking Crescent Wrenches

2008-08-10T13:28:00.000-07:00

It is fun to imagine the stress and stretching involved in this minor catastrophe. Minor, as I have additional adjustable wrenches in the tool crib. Catastrophe, as it is so clearly destroyed and beyond salvaging.

The Downward Force of Hammers (When Not Hammering)

2008-07-30T15:54:00.000-07:00

In preparation for unveiling the new Coco's Variety tool department, I lined the drawers of an old Craftsman toolbox with roll linoleum. Though I have previously used lino for such, it is the first time I have affixed it with adhesive. Despite leaving the unrolled linoleum in the sun for a couple of hours, the pieces are so small they still want to curl and become unstuck. Hammers and dollies proved a perfect solution.

No, these hammers will not be for sale at the Coco's Variety tool department as these are from the corporate collection of Hooptyrides, Inc. Historically, we sold fine tools from a cart outside the store but they tended to get dusty, which discouraged sales. Shoplifting attempts, however, remained undeterred.

Mister Jalopy on NPR's Day to Day

2008-07-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

Mister Jalopy, in front of Coco's Variety

Along with Dale Dougherty and Nemo Gould, I was interviewed for NPR's Day to Day on the Maker's Movement. Celeste and Shereen did a great job bringing together a compelling piece on why we should be doing more making and less buying.

Having written the Maker's Bill of Rights back in 2005, I feel that we have effectively made our case to makers that we deserve to truly own the things we purchase. Having won that battle, I have devoted myself to talking to corporations to explain how lowering the draw bridges and engaging consumers is not just respectful of consumers, but also sound fiscal advice.

Thanks NPR!

Mister Jalopy and the Maker's Movement on NPR

Maker's Bill of Rights at Make

My original Hooptyrides post that became the Maker's Bill of Rights

Dodge Caliber SRT-4 is Yowza Spot-On

2008-04-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

There is great nobility in the small car and a lot to love about a modest automobile that is a capable performer, knows its place in the world and does small car things small car well. As the air cooled Volkswagens proved a generation ago, the honest compact can stand on its own merits and doesn't have to be pretend to be something it's not.

While I was largely disappointed by the compact cars at the last Los Angeles Auto Show, I was quite taken by the Dodge Caliber. Comparatively, it really seemed to be a car of integrity, both in construction and design. For example, the uninspiring Toyota Yaris has power windows while the bottom-of-the-barrel Caliber has manual crank up windows. All things being equal, one look at the Yaris' more feature-rich window sticker and it would seem to best the Caliber, but the Caliber feels like a better car. It seems that the Dodge budget for power windows went into building quality instead. Of course, I don't have their respective balance sheets in front of me, but the Caliber earned my respect with its quality feel and materials.

A four-door hatchback, the Dodge Caliber is a champion of utility. The cubic foot cargo specs lie, as any hatchback owner can attest to the extraordinary volumes that present themselves when necessary. Without the limits of a sedan, the hatchback lets you think in terms of a world without barriers. Recline the passenger seat and you are able to carry 8 foot 2" x 4"s, one end wrapped in an old t-shirt and resting on the dash while the other end sticks out the hatch with an attached Twix wrapper serving as a red warning flag. Add a 6' Noble Fir Christmas tree, two flats of pansies, two bags of Quikcrete, a case of Tecate, a large pizza, two cans of Ajax and a new water-saving toilet to really appreciate the black hole qualities of the hatchback. Believe me, your passenger won't mind sitting in the back seat one bit. What with the pine smell and the limo service, they will feel like a Kennedy on the way to Hyannisport.

So, if there is nobility in a small car of restraint, what if that piety is thrown out the window and a monster is born? The Renault Turbo R5 breathed fire into the lowly LeCar and transformed it into a true classic of the 1980's - a decade in which few classics emerged. And consider the VW GTI, which practically invented the hot hatchback. What are these bastardizations of economic restraint when they crash head on with turbo chargers and giant disc brakes? Hopefully, examples of exquisite balance in the form of extreme performance driving onto freeway entrance ramps, downtown lane splitting, and abandoned business park skid pad practice.

As I already respected the Caliber, I was thrilled to learn that Dodge SRT is shopping the parts bins and building a little beast of a hatchback... A turbo charged aluminum 4 with cast iron cylinder sleeves and tiny oil squirters to keep the pistons from melting. Big brakes and half shafts off a full size Dodge. Functional cold air scoops at the front bumper and ducts to cool the brakes. All the typical racecar treatments that you would add if you were going racing, like improved intake air flow, higher compression, bigger injectors, higher volume fuel pump and an external oil cooler.

The hood scoops gave me pause since they seemed to be non-functional geegaws, but they are open and used to exchange air to keep the under hood temperatures lower. The interior is a little tarted up for my taste, but I love the aftermarket boost gauge and dash gizmos that report 0-60, 1/4 mile time, braking distance and g-force.

This would really speed up garage saling!

Caliber SRT-4 (Around 300HP, 260 ft. lb of torque, 23 mpg)
Reportedly around $22,000
Link

Mister Jalopy in Japanese Tool Magazine

2008-04-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

Not surprisingly, there is a Japanese mook (magazine/book) dedicated to obsessive tool collecting. Factory Gear Magazine dives into the toolboxes of World Rally Championship teams, Honda mechanics, F1 racing teams, German tool factories, stateside tool retailers and, much to my delight, Hooptyrides, Inc.

Though I am not a collector with comprehensive historical knowledge, I do love to compare tools of different eras and manufacturers to see how individuals have engineered solutions to common problems - how to turn a bolt, how to cut a wire.

For 6 hours, the guys from Factory Gear cleaned, photographed, documented and considered hand tools that I forgot I even own. As the Factory Gear editor is also the owner of Deen Tools, it was not surprising that he and his crew were deeply knowledgeable about the engineering and manufacture of hand tools. They pointed out tiny details in construction that made one better than another - details I had never noticed on tools that I use daily.

To say that I wonder what the article says would be to greatly understate my intense curiosity.

Mister Jalopy on Discovery Channel Canada - April 8, 2008

2008-04-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

For Canadian readers, I will be on Discovery Channel Canada's Daily Planet tomorrow to discuss the Urban Guerrilla Drive-In Movie House - the home brew movie projector that I built. Hopefully, some enterprising ne'er-do-well will figure out how to put it on the internets, as the site/channel is not viewable from the rest of world.

Want to see the Urban Guerrilla in person? Come to Maker Faire, the most inspiring weekend of the year.

Link

Shrunken Snap-On Screwdriver

2008-04-05T17:02:00.000-07:00

Will I buy any Snap-On screwdriver? No matter how rusty the shank? No matter how corroded the tip? No matter how diminished the handle?

At the right price, it would seem so.

Nash Ambassador - Impressively Ugly

2008-04-04T08:50:00.001-07:00

After posting about the Faurecia concept car on Dinosaurs and Robots, I can not help but to think about the Nash Ambassador that spent some time at Hooptyrides, Inc. Mercifully, it has returned to whence it came.

In the early 1950's, the independent American automakers were having an extremely difficult time competing with the Big Three. Following the rationing of materials during the World War II, the big auto companies locked up the supply chain of steel and rubber so that the minor players were not able to meet customer demand. When raw materials were once again available, the independent automakers responded with outrageous design to distinguish themselves from the mainline automakers.

Nash engaged the legendary Italian design firm, Pininfarina, to design a luxury automobile. To save development costs, Nash fitted the Ambassador with a powerful, modern Packard V8 engine. In theory, it seems like a good idea. Without fax machines or email, Nash executives tried to explain to Italian sports car designers what an American luxury car should be. As evidenced by the photos above, the collaboration was not a success. Through mergers and dilution, Nash eventually became American Motors, but 1957 was the last new model year for the Nash marquee.

Like Paris Hilton or McMansions, the Nash Ambassador is an easy target. During a visit to Hooptyrides, Gale Banks declared it the ugliest car he had ever seen. He is not wrong, but the longer the Ambassador sat in my back yard, the more I began to appreciate it.

Boldness - It has a lot of look.

Comprehensive - Every single element of the car was designed. From the hood ornament to the gas cap, nothing was left to chance or considered to minor to escape the Italians. If nothing else, Nash certainly got their money's worth.

Complexity - Check out those front fenders and the grill. The sheet metal has more folds and curves than the Sydney Opera House. Complex, yes. Elegant, graceful? No.

Condition and Originality - Not a function of design, the car was completely original right down to the pink leather and silver brocade interior

Lineage to Nash Metropolitan - Probably a decision that doomed the Ambassador to being forever awkward, the choice was made to tie the ambassador to the Nash Metropolitan. Though it is not immediately apparent, there is a Metro nestled between those pontoon fenders. The Ambassador is actually a docking station for the trapped Metro!

Checking the Pininfarina 1950's timeline, the Alfa Romeo Giulietta Spider and Ferrari 250 are mentioned but somehow the Nash Ambassador has slipped through the cracks.

Dust Enabled!

2008-04-01T16:01:00.000-07:00

Realizing a laundromat is an extreme environment, I was still mighty impressed by the accumulation of dust and lint in my security DVR. No wonder the hard drive failed!

1964 Ford Galaxie 500 Rocket Car

2008-03-24T17:51:00.000-07:00

From Mecum Auctions:

...the most outrageous of these creative maverick enterprises was the Turbonique Company of Orlando, Florida. Aimed at the burgeoning drag racing market, their line of products consisted of three basic devices: AP superchargers, microturbo thrust engines and rocket drag axles...

The most outlandish of these devices was the Rocket Drag Axle, which connected mechanically to a car’s differential and, when ignited, surpassed the engine’s motive force by upwards of a thousand horsepower and launched the vehicle forward at a truly mind-numbing rate of acceleration. The infamous Black Widow Volkswagen Beetle, a basically stock Bug fitted with a Turbonique Rocket Drag Axle, instantly became a drag racing legend by leaving Tommy Ivo’s four-engine Showboat dragster in its dust with a 9.36 elapsed time at 168 mph on Sept.19, 1966, at Tampa Dragway.

Built by tobacco heir Zachary Reynolds of R.J. Reynolds Tobacco fame, the “Tobacco King” 1964 Ford Galaxie was as wild an example of a Rocket Drag Axle-equipped car as one could ask for, and certainly reflected Reynolds’ daredevil personality. Playboy, pilot, Ham Radio enthusiast and all-around enfant terrible, Reynolds specifically wanted a car that would terrorize everyone with its appearance alone...

This sinister Ford Galaxie is not a metaphorical rocket, as in "fast as a rocket!" It is not a marketing trademark like Oldsmobile's Rocket 88. This car actually is rocket-powered. In addition to the prodigious amount of power created by the supercharged 427 engine topped with four side draft carburetors, there is a genuine rocket engine affixed to the differential that generates an extra 1000 horsepower.

There are some stories that can't be told in words but can only be truly understood through an object of the era. The stories of cruising Bellflower Boulevard, the Bonneville speed trials, the advent of Whittier Boulevard lowriders, the WWII aerospace effort and moonshine running in '40 Fords are brought from the history books to brilliant Technicolor reality when you are able to experience an artifact in real life. There is the sculptural quality of seeing the object in space that makes it real and palpable but, even more importantly, there is the human element of coming to grips with the craftsmanship and engineering of details. That is where you see the mark of the individual.

This car epitomizes what I wanted to be when I grew up... A savage engineer on the razor's edge. A craftsman dedicated to awesomeness. An artist building folly. It is easy to dismiss this illegal monster as a rich kid's plaything, but that does not begin to tell the story.

The rocket-powered Galaxie is a beautifully executed assembly of the best technology of the time. Mad scientist-style Turbonique for the Rocket Drag Axle, commercially available speed equipment from Carter and Lathem, war surplus from Uncle Sam and ham radio equipment from hobbyist suppliers. This is not a Corvette purchased off the lot but, rather, a finely curated assemblage of great creativity.

Far more than an exercise in the history of 1960's speed equipment and cinder block workshop engineering, this is a story about the end of the outlaws. As when Hunter Thompson went to Vegas and Tom Wolfe rode with the Pranksters, these were the final days of those who lived in the wonderland just outside the laws. The world was changing so fast that the disparate elements of the freak power contingent were hitting the straights and ninnies from all sides. Those poor district attorneys in Vegas just didn't know what was happening to the world. As the world became a more litigious and uninteresting place, these brazen animals gave way to the sober Ralph Nader regimented era of corporate responsibility.

As we jumped our Schwinn Stingrays over trash cans, these extravagant and vulgar machines were an inspiration to be our best. It is no wonder Jackass, monster trucks, Jesse James and hardware hacking are so popular, as these are the remnants of doing the wrong things for the right reasons. Extraordinary personal expression as high art and savage good times.

Long live the outlaw.

Link (via Hooptyrides pal Iowahawk)

Mercedes Wheel Cylinders Rebuilt

2008-03-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

Never really being happy with how the brakes turned out on the Mercedes 190b, I decided to overhaul the entire brake system the right way. At $35 per wheel cylinder, I don't know that you could find a better deal in rebuilding than ABS Power Brake in Orange, California.

Dinosaurs and Robots Dispatch: New Digital Mag from Mark Frauenfelder & Mister Jalopy

2008-02-03T17:46:00.001-08:00

It is true that my entertaining internet presence, Hooptyrides, has been neglected as of late. As Ed T. - official stalker of Hooptyrides - has pointed out, the time elapsed since my last post has officially set a new record for inattention by shattering the Spring 2007 period of neglect.

Though I would like to claim sloth as the excuse, I have been fantastically busy launching a media conglomerate with Mark Frauenfelder called Dinosaurs and Robots. In addition to a blog and radio station, Dinosaurs and Robots is also publishing a (digital) magazine called Dispatch.

Make Magazine has been terrifically supportive of trying all sorts of novel approaches to conveying technical information and have backed it up by hiring great artists to illustrate whatever I am trying to explain. The relationship is better than great and I am spoiled by their attention to excellence. But, as a DIY-snob, I have always wanted to try to do the entire thing myself. The first issue of Dispatch is a handy magazine of projects, techniques and tools, loosely arranged around the idea of transport.

Besides planning and executing every step of the projects myself, I was also the sole designer, photographer, writer and editor of the inaugural Dispatch. It was a good deal of effort - maybe 60 hours, as it required a lot of starting from scratch. But, it was great fun and the next one will be less onerous as I have now set some standards for how I want to convey information.

Powered by Yahoo/Adobe PDF Ads
There are folks who do not believe creative effort should be rewarded monetarily. I am not one of those people. Dispatch is released as a PDF with dynamic ads from Adobe/Yahoo. You can choose to turn off the ads or open the PDF with Apple Preview, which does not support ads. However, if you enjoy the Dispatch and would like to see future issues, I would appreciate it if you'd open with the Adobe Reader and leave the ads enabled.

Since I have had a sneak peek, I am eagerly looking forward to Volume 2 by Mark Frauenfelder. It is very cool.

UPDATE: Due to issues at Mediafire, I have uploaded to archive.org, which I should have done in the first place. Link

Thanks to Eric, Mike and Matt of Yahoo!

Perform Magic, Change Your World View - Maker Faire Austin

2007-10-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

Phil Ross is a Maker's Maker

By most measures of handy, I am a reasonably capable fellow if only as defined by the number of my projects that have appeared in Make Magazine. My skills are not highly refined, but I am a snob about doing it myself and control the project scope by what I am able to accomplish. As a result, my machines shy away from coding software, engineering hardware, or machining parts out of a block of steel. The results are sometimes clumsy and rough around the edges, but they function as imagined and I make up for fineness of technique with aesthetic boldness. In art or hot rodding, I revel in the hand wrought elements and love to touch both the gloppy oil paint and the smooth finish of a hand-hammered aluminum fender. As an authenticity snob, the connection to the hand that crafted it means as much as the value of the object.

At Maker Faire, you can have a dozen epiphanies in a Saturday. Then Sunday comes and you can have dozen more. Dedicated individuals of similarly clumsy talents come together and point out what went right and what went less-than-right with their projects. As a stark comparison to professional life, where mistakes are hidden, the amateurs just roll their eyes and laugh as they tell you where they got it all wrong. The hardiest of laughter is reserved for those situations where personal injury was narrowly avoided due to dumb luck.

Smug in your DIY ethos, you meet Phil Ross, see his jaw dropping sculptures of nature captured, and feel the ground turn to quicksand as you realize you lost the plot. Epiphany #1 of 12, or an hour into Maker Faire.

To do Phil a grave disservice, I will paraphrase a bit about the content of his sculptures. As seen above, there is a plant that is being kept alive by the benevolence of a machine. Not thriving, just surviving, as light and air are meted out in increments sufficient to sustain life but not so great as to allow the plant to flourish. The LEDs and aquarium bubbler are controlled by timers, so who is the evil overlord? The computer? The software? Phil?

It is a great piece of art but the glory of what made it work so well, for me, was the exquisite presentation. All the glass is hand blown lab glass that was created to Phil's specifications, while the battery and electronics are housed in a perfect Lucite box. Phil didn't blow the glass and didn't build the box, but it is still all him. The outsourced components are but a trifle in construction. More effective for the elegance of presentation, it allows you to view the ideas and execution as if you were considering an immaculate mathematical or philosophical problem without the annoying reality of the physical world. The fact that the 'black box of control' is transparent makes for a sweetly complex problem.

So, am I building better stuff because I am doing it all myself, or should I reach to the edges and engage professionals to produce the limits of imagination? I'll do both, like Phil.

This language of handy, of making, of welding and woodworking, of mechanics and hand lettering, will tell stories that have never been told.

On the way home from the Bay Area Maker Faire, I stopped at a scenic spot for lunch amongst the live oaks, only to come across a stranded motorist in a multicolor motor home. He was on his way back from a model train show and asked me for a jump start. Though it was possible that all he needed was a jump, this simple query is usually code for "my car won't start and I have no idea why."

He was a very nice guy and generous with model train advice, even when you didn't ask a model train question. I commented on the asymmetrical paint on his motor home and he explained that midway through the job with a brush and a bucket of flat, forest green house paint, he had run out of paint. It still looked pretty good! Pretty good-ish, anyway. Good as a motor home could look that had been painted with a brush on three sides.

The problem was beyond a low battery and the solution was more complicated than a jump start. He kept saying, "Everything is original! Just like Dodge did it in the factory. All original."

With an original manufacturer's manual and a clear head, you should be able to fix many car problems on the side of the road, but the manual never specifies what is inside the mysterious clump of electrical tape under the dash. Or why the horn button turns on the hazard lights. I understand where he was coming from - if it is all original, it should follow some rules of logic. Vehicles that have survived a dozen roadside repairs may be champions of the interstate, but the only thing still original from the factory is the Dodge sticker on the valve cover.

"If I see something in the road, I will turn around to get it, even if it means I have drive a mile back to get it!" he said. A look inside his toolbox confirmed this random approach to tool acquisition as it included pipe wrenches, florescent light starters, ammunition for a 45 Auto and screwdrivers that had been used as pry bars, despite the warning against such use printed on the handle.

As I had brought a recently completed, yet to be thoroughly tested, contraption to Maker Faire, I had a full compliment of tools and a digital multimeter. Loath to be the one to further damage my new friend's motor home, I resisted taking the screwdriver from his hand and making the repairs myself. Instead, I gave him advice:

"Test the voltage from here to there, while you turn the key. What does it read?"

"12.6 volts, everything original, just like from Dodge."

"Ok, now measure resistance, from here to over here."

"34 ohms, all original Dodge. Just like the factory."

Eventually, we found the issue - a bad prong in a decaying Molex plug to the ignition switch. We cut, crimped, bypassed and fired up the all-original Dodge with the only evidence of the event being another moderately kludgy repair sure to baffle the next roadside mechanic. "It's magic!" he said. "It is magic, that meter that found the problem. You are a magician. Where can I get one of those?"

I told him to watch the Harbor Freight sale flyer and buy the cheapest multimeter they have. I suspect he was overestimating the power of the magic box and will be in just as tight a pickle at the next breakdown, but the next guy to help him at the scenic overlook will be thrilled to find that meter in his toolbox of claw hammers and broken circuit breakers.

"I would give you some money, but I don't have any...” I explained that was fine, I just wanted to take some pictures to remember my lunch among the oaks and continuity problems.

As I was leaving, he flagged me down to give me an apple and an orange, which was deeply appreciated compensation. That's what we do at Maker's Faire. We perform magic, break the magic, rebuild the magic and give each other fresh fruit.

Phil Ross, I owe you an orange.

Link to Maker Faire Austin
Link to Phil Ross

Juggernaut 2004
"I have drawn on two culturally divergent traditions for Juggernaut
- Chinese scholar's objects and Victorian glass conservatories,
which share the belief that nature is best understood
when seen through the lens of human artifice." - Phil Ross

Renault F1 Ice Cream Truck

2007-10-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

Never bashful about my love of adapted vehicles, I must admit that I was a'stammer and a'blushin in the presence of this amazing example.

(Click for big picture)

If the sheer visual appeal was not enough, this little charmer was named Tin Tin!

Separated at birth?

Dorkbot/Hooptyrides Open House aka "You call that a door prize?"

2007-10-03T14:36:00.000-07:00

Delco AM/FM/shortware console with missing turntable
will be awarded to one lucky attendee

In conjunction with Dorkbot Socal, I will be throwing open the doors to Hooptyrides, Inc. but space is limited. Attendance will be restricted to the first thirty respondents per Dorkbot instructional internet presence (Link). One lucky attendee will leave with a door prize/boat anchor which will be won through a rousing round of Rock, Paper, Scissors. The contest portion of the evening will be officiated by Echo Park superhero, Mark Allen (Link). Mark doesn't know that he will be performing in this capacity, so if you happen to see him, please urge him to attend. Perhaps you should suggest that he bring a whistle.

What can you expect?

Demonstration of Mister Jalopy's Urban Guerrilla Movie House
Demonstration of the Giant Ipod
Demonstration of Boombox TV, as featured in upcoming Make article Platform:Boombox
Tour of Hooptyrides, Inc.
Tour of Hooptyrides, Inc. executive restroom reserved for those donating $5 (or more) to Machine Project (Link)
Live demonstration of Mister Jalopy's Four-Step Miracle Process for the Refurbishment of Wood as we transform crummy Delco console into something slightly less crummy. (No photos or videos, please. Some miracles need to be witnessed, not recorded.)
Ample opportunities to be separated from your money

You may ask, why do I have to win that console?

When I built the Giant Ipod, I had purchased/found three consoles as I was not sure which would work for my purposes. This is #2 of the three. If I find the 3rd, which is pretty likely, there may be two door prizes! What a lucky day that will be!

How objects fail to learn

2007-09-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was tending to my Marantz amplifiers and realized that objects will suggest design improvements.

How many AM antennas snapped off before Marantz took action to ebb the broken tuner flow streaming through the warranty repair department doors? Having grown up in a house with Marantz amplifiers, I have been trying to resist using this 'not a handle' for 30 years. Though I have enough tuners to last five lifetimes, I can not resist checking to see if garage sale tuners still have the AM antenna.

If Marantz listened to the first couple broken amplifiers and designed a subsequent integrated handle/antenna, there would be a lot more mint condition units today.

Mister Jalopy and Mark Frauenfelder on Public Radio Today

2007-09-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

Mark (editor of Make Magazine, founder of boingboing.net, author of Rule the Web and good friend of mine) and I will be on KPCC LA Public Radio today. We will discuss a variety of terrifically fascinating topics that will be sure to delight young and old alike.

From KPCC:

... Thursday, September 6
Remember the guy on your street who was the neighborhood Mister Fixit... and in his spare time he tried to build a solar-powered toaster or a better backyard rocket? Anything the factory manufacturer did, they can do better. Spend a little time with the men and women of the Maker movement.

We are on:

Patt Morrison! Live!
KPCC 89.3FM in Los Angeles!
September 6, 2007
Show starts at 2:00 PM, we are on around the half way point.

Podcasts, live internet listening and archived streams - Here

Los Angeles Heatwave Requires Thermometer Calibration

2007-09-02T17:15:00.000-07:00

For the purposes of discussion, we will assume the Fluke 88V is correct.

Let's face it, nobody likes tools that lie. And as a consequence, serious individuals demand that their tools are calibrated. It is not that I do everything with a high level of precision, but I feel comfort in knowing my tools are upholding their end of the deal.

Suspecting that friends might think I was over exaggerating the Hooptyrides average temperature this week, I decided to calibrate the Cobbs Creek Drink-O-Meter thermometer to determine just what I was up against. 104 F, inside. 110 F, outside. The Bell Ringer, Horse's Neck and Mint Smash - no matter how appealing they sound - are clearly not going to cut it. Mint Juleps will be enjoyed inside, but outside we are getting perilously close to 'too hot to imbibe.' Perhaps temperatures over 110F will require hitting the bottle straight. Like a cannonball.

The Long Road to the Cover of Make Magazine

2007-08-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

Mister Jalopy's Urban Guerilla Drive-In Movie Theater in Make Volume 11

Lots of the folks that write for Make Magazine are bona fide experts in their field and present very refined designs that have evolved from many prototypes. Unfortunately for Make readers, I am not one of those individuals. I am (or have been) an amateur mechanic, power transformer salesman, computer tech support expert, re-engineering consultant, corporate executive, welder, maker, small business owner, database programmer, real estate investor, stove restorer, graphic designer, photographer, author, web designer, tech advisory panel member, woodworker, public speaker, handyman and furniture restorer. I am professional at only two things: garage saling and being an amateur.

As an amateur in all things, I have found great commonalities to approaching subjects as a newbie. I think the greatest skill that could be taught in schools is how to be a professional amateur as that is the single skill set that unlocks everything. Nobody likes to assist a know-it-all, but there are lots of stone killer experts that get a kick out of sharing knowledge with thoughtful individuals that are deeply curious, respectful, have a firm handshake, don't interrupt and will meet your eye.

Glass door hinges seemed like such a clever way to allow the Fresnals to swing for keystone correction. Didn't work - the hinges extended too far in the image area.

As opposed to your vocation, an avocation tends to be a more quiet affair and your failures are mercifully private events. Building for the magazine is more complicated as you need to be able to undo your mistakes and present a cohesive, linear project. If I included all my missteps, the article would be 5 times as long and would make no sense as readers would follow me down so many dead ends that even I would forget where we were going.

Mister Jalopy's Axiom of Amateurism #1, Retrofixism: Provide a path back. Always build undo buttons. Recoverable mistakes are non-events.

Retrofixism Corollary #1a : Take 10x photos as you may need those "pre-mistake images" later.

One of 12 Chicken Scratchings Submitted to Make Art Department.
Poor Bastards. Hi Daniel!

The projector article turned out great largely due to the efforts of rockstar technical illustrator Tom Parker. Being that Tom is a maker himself, he was able to work from chicken scratchings to come up with my favorite Make illustration ever. The projector was a barely do-able project for the scope/space of a magazine and it is still not a step-by-step build guide as every projector is different. But, with the detail of the illustration, you can really get your head around how the projector works and how the build comes together. There is no replacement for the lumenlabs site.

Mark's Little Lioness Photo: Mark Frauenfelder

On a complicated project with Maker Faire deadline, I will build it so it works but it may not be refined, explainable, repeatable or article ready. When I got back from Maker Faire, I took it apart and rebuilt to deal with overheating, phantom shadow and light leak issue. That refined version is what appears in the magazine.

One of my two raffle prizes

The cover photo shoot was at Mark and Carla's house which included gracious hospitality, burritos, cold beers and an entertainment revue called Ye Olde Entertainment. The kid's death defying trampoline acrobatics was followed by a raffle in which I won a shiny rock and the button pictured above.

Will cars of today become classics tomorrow?

2007-08-21T15:54:00.001-07:00

"Barn Find" 1950 Ferrari 166MM Touring BarchettaA lesson in savage grace.
Photo: Pebble Beach Concourse d'Elegance

Today's Wall Street Journal has an article by Joseph White that asks if any of today's automobiles will become extraordinarily desirable Concourse cars of tomorrow. My opinion was not solicited. Luckily, with the power of the internets, I am free to weigh in without pesky journalistic standards.

The discussion seems to have been prompted by the Pebble Beach debut of a barn find 1950 Ferrari 166MM Touring Barchetta, which makes comparisons quite difficult as any modern car will surely disappoint.

"Will it be a classic? Of course!"

"Like the 1950 Ferrari Barchetta?"

"Well, no. Not like that. A classic, but in a much shittier form."

The Elite
WSJ: Bugatti Veyron, limited number Ferraris and Porsches

Mr J: Of course, these big money, epic performers will always desirable. Will the Veyron be as undeniable as a bat wing Alfa or a Ferrari 250 Testarossa? I don't think so.

Mr. J's Additions: Ford GT, best looking car in 30 years

The Americans
WSJ: Corvette Z06, Pontiac Solstice, Chrylser 300C, Plymouth Prowler, convertible PT Cruiser, forthcoming Challenger, Cadillac CTS-V with the 5.7L, Buick GNX, Viper, Bullitt Mustangs.

Mr J: Corvette Z06, absolutely. Relative rarity coupled with uncompromising performance, plus it's a Corvette. And enough will be parked into telephone poles that they will just get rarer. The Bullitt Mustangs are a good bet, but I think the top end Saleens would be even better.

The sheer number of Dodge Viper posters on teenagers' walls assures the Viper a place in auto history. If you want to see the classics of today, visit the bedrooms of high school auto shop students. For sheer investment, I can't imagine a wiser automotive buy than a Viper GT-2 plexiglass window factory racer.

The rest of them? Forget it. The convertible PT Cruiser? Come on. When the PT Cruiser first came out, zealous retirees would honk to signal that they too had an appreciation of old car styling. I was baking in my overheating hoopty as they beeped their horns from air-conditioned comfort. The absurdity of those moments continues to astound. Classics do not have to be as profound as a Cord coffin nosed art deco masterpiece, but they can't be lies either. The Prowler and PT Cruiser are deceitful.

Mr J Additions: It is no Ferrari, but the Dodge Ram V-10 has brash appeal.

The Europeans
WSJ: Original Audi TT, new Beetle and Mini Cooper S.

Mr J: The Mini Cooper S is a charmer and backs it up with performance. It is a rehash of a prior champion, but it is done so well. There were talks about building a lightweight boy racer limited edition and that would be enough to make a lasting impression.

The Beetle and TT will be in design books along with Michael Graves teapots and Alessi cork screws, but they are too plentiful to enter the big leagues. They don't feel like enthusiast cars.

Mr J Additions: AMG Mercedes Hammer, 16v Scirocco, BMW M3, Renault Turbo R5, Lancia Rally 037, Audi Quattro, Land Rover Defender

The Japanese
WSJ: Datsun 240z

Mr J: The 240z was such a dramatic shift from Japanese cars of the time that I think it has a good shot at becoming a classic.

Mr J Additions: They missed the mark here big time. Add the Mitsubishi EVO, WRX-Sti, Skyline and Twin Turbo Supra, just to start. Like historic hot rods and muscle cars that were abused beyond recognition before being cut up for parts, there are some groundbreaking turbo CRXs and the like that should be stocked away in moth balls today.

Can there be future classics?

Jim Hall is quoted and addresses the issue of maintenance as it relates to computer electronics. That is a real concern, but I suspect if a car becomes a classic and the market incentive is there, somebody will be able to repair the computers without too much concern. He goes on to suggest there would be a market for a 'universal computer' that could be 'plug and play' to keep these aging cars running. Well, I agree there would be a market, but I have my doubts about the feasibility of a universal plug and play computer. Plus, auto manufacturers are now rolling out encrypted systems protected with a 64 bit key. If you can't open your car's computer, do you own it?

A more damning issue is the sheer quantity of plastic in modern automobiles. Sure, my 1964 Chevelle wagon has plastic components but they are largely in a supporting role. In modern cars, plastic is elevated from trim and is sprinkled generously throughout the drive train. On my 1987 Mercedes 300 TD, these plastic components have become so porous and brittle that disassembly means breakage. Between the smog, under hood heat, and the corrosive petroleum products that power automobiles, all the plastic is coming apart at the same time.

The Mister Jalopy Surefire Future Classic Design School

Epitomize Something New - Elegant roadster has been done. So has exotic wedge and brute muscle car. Quirky French car for peasants carrying wine and cheese has been covered. Find a new idea to get across. Not a new idea in cars but a new idea in the world - like teenage revolution in the 60's or proletariat Swedish safety.

Longer Names - The Fiat Abarth Double Bubble Zagato Coupe. The Ferrari 250 GT California Spyder Long Wheel Base. If your babysitter had an idea for the hubcaps, mention her in the name.

Unbelievably Elegant and Savage Design - This is an easy one. Monkeys can do this. Look at the Ferrari at the top of the page and figure out how it appears so elegant and fine boned while still having the demeanor of a bloodthirsty savage. Decipher that simple formula, update it in a respectful way, carve a many-cylindered engine block out of a single chunk of billet and, with the hammer of Buddha, pound aluminum fenders over Italian stumps that have Enzo's initials carved in the base. Eat prosciutto for lunch and truffles for dinner, bathe in cognac, drink espressos during victory laps, road test at midnight, change tires for thunderstorm wet practice, whisk baguette crumbs from the oxblood leather seats with a boar bristle brush, keep sterling flasks of courage in the glove box, smoke cigars with the commitment of Mark Twain and feed your chickens at dawn.

PT Cruiser Convertible, indeed.

Why I listen to Mark Frauenfelder very closely...

2007-08-01T20:15:00.000-07:00

Sure, it is an Internet tip book. And who needs an Internet tip book when you have the Internet. What tip could not be found with the power of Google?

Mark thinks of questions that you have not thought to type at your favorite search engine. If you don't have the question, it is very difficult to find the answer. Every time I pick up Rule the Web, I learn something I didn't know I needed to know. How do you hide a website from the Google crawlers? How do I add forums to my entertaining Internet presence? How do I record podcasts for free? How can I add a "Suggest a Site" form to my Internets?
Mark has seen everything. Since he edits boingboing, every Internet toadstool has come across his virtual desk. And when you have seen all the toadstools, you know the chanterelle when you see it. Mere mortals can not distinguish the great from the very good without Mark's Internet world view.
Mark is probably smarter than you. Definitely smarter than me.
Mark has accomplished something that only a handful of individuals have been able to do: make a comfortable living from something he loves. Now further winnow that small group to the individuals who make a comfortable living blogging. This book has secrets. Blogging secrets. Big fat blogging secrets. Giant money making blogging secrets. Sure, you could rule the web, but who gives a shit? With Internet ruling ability and $1, you can eat a regrettable meal at Taco Bell. This book was incorrectly named as it should have been called "Mark Frauenfelder's Big Hairy Money Making Blogging Secrets."

Disclaimer: Mark is a friend. And he is my editor at Make. I wouldn't have written my first article for Make if it were not for Mark and I certainly wouldn't have written my twentieth.

Buy the dirt-ass cheap Rule the Web and hold your own at the Internet World Championships.

Carousel Amusement Auction

2007-06-13T06:48:00.000-07:00

Buying one would be absurd; buying thirty is inspired.

The Carousel International Amusement Company assets, real estate, intellectual property and the owner's pinball machine collection are being sold at auction on June 23rd. These are the moments that you reconsider moving to Pittsburg, CA and, instead, picture yourself as King of Kiddie Rides in Eldon, Missouri.

"Situated in the Missouri Ozarks, Eldon is strategically situated directly between St. Louis and Kansas City - about 150 miles between each of them on the Midwest Corridor..."

Well, I am not a geography expert, but that sounds like the middle of Jackshit, Nowhere.

One assumes that intellectual property includes the rights to the wormy apple kiddie ride. Kids LOVE to ride in a wormy apple, especially if your co-pilot is the worm. Is this a Richard Scarry character? I wonder if I could just buy the Richard Scarry kiddie ride licensing agreement - making the bold assumption that it is licensed. Riding with the Lion in the Model T roadster pick-up truck - now that would be a kiddie ride.

Super Auctions: Link

Sheer Terror at the AC Outlet

2007-06-06T16:08:00.000-07:00

An event like this makes you remember why you fell in love with junction boxes and circuit breakers in the first place.

Build Branching Lamps in Minutes

2007-06-04T07:01:00.001-07:00

Bruce Shapiro's Light Socket Branching Tree

While at Maker Faire, I met the inspiring Bruce Shapiro who will change the way that you think about stepper motors and the math that can push them. Cool stuff and inspired machines. Whether dragging a ball through sand, pushing a pen around a light bulb, or cutting metal with plasma, he forces you to think about how to push objects through space. On a smaller scale, on a Hooptyrides accessible scale, when I saw his branching bulb splitter tree I had to yell out, 'I did that too! Sorta.'

Lamp at Hooptyrides, Inc.

Cool new technologies open up cutting edge opportunities for exploration every day, but extremely mature technologies can offer a very deep arsenal of building blocks. Stop thinking about plumbing supplies, electrical conduit and light bulb sockets as home improvement products but instead as mature, modular building solutions that have an engineered solution for every obstacle.

What is so great about K.E.M. Weber?

2007-06-01T18:12:00.001-07:00

K.E.M. Weber Chair

As a younger man, I used to really buy into the whole form follows function ethos, but after collecting a fair amount of mid-grade Danish Modern-this and Eames-like-that, I decided I was more comfortable with the threadbare looks of thinning oriental rugs and old oak that smells of oranges. What I liked in a museum or in the pages of a book was not necessarily the same as what built a comfortable, personal environment and it took a while to figure out that simple fact.
K.E.M. Weber is a little like George Nakashima for me. Beyond modernism, I just would be thrilled to be in the same room with a footstool by either Weber or Nakashima.

Years ago, I was on a strategic hunting trip through the antique stores of East Sunset. Though I pride myself in finding hidden gems, I was with a real life, stone killer, serious collector friend with very, very deep knowledge. From across the room, He spotted a rather plain wardrobe that was so narrow it would hold a single winter coat and little else. That should have been the first clue that it was designed for sunny climates. My pal said, "I bet this is K.E.M. Weber" and, sure enough, he found a Disney Studios property tag on the back. Not only did I not peg it as Weber, as I had not even heard of the man.

K.E.M. Weber was the main architect at the Walt Disney Animation studios and designed much of the animation department furniture therein. This is the timeless look of commerce. Imagine what it would do for the morale of the animators to show up each day and sit at this exquisite workstation. It is a fitting piece of furniture for the creation of animated masterpieces.
K.E.M. Weber was also an art director at Barker Brothers Furniture during the era when it seemed they could do no wrong. In a disparate styles than Weber's aesthetic, Barker Brothers also commissioned the Mason Furniture Company to design and build Spanish revival furniture for the stucco and red tile roofed homes being built in growing Los Angeles. Though the style was so different than Weber's, they share in common a romanticism of what California could be.

Photo from Roger Renick Fine Arts

While in Pasadena, I sometimes stop at Roger Renick to consider how soulful mass-produced furniture can be. Barker Brothers had a few things figured out.

The all important provenance

So, the Weber desk is at auction tomorrow. It is a live auction at LA Modern and also at trusty old ebay. Estimated at $6000-8000, but I bet it will sell for more.

LA Modern Auction, Disney Animation Desk: Link
K.E.M. Weber Book, I'd love to take a look at this: Link
K.E.M. Weber Bixby House: Link
Monterey Furniture book by Roger Renick: Link
Roger Renick Fine Arts: Link
Scant mention of Barker Brothers Furniture on the internets, but I would sure like to take a look at this: Link

Navy X-Ray Facility

2007-05-31T13:55:00.000-07:00

How can it be? One minute, you have never heard of Pittsburg, California. Then, moments later, a relocation seems so logical that you start Googling to find the nearest Trader Joe's (11 miles SW in Concord).

So, why is it so compelling? Well, try to ignore, for a moment, if possible, the title 'X-Ray Exposure Room' because that in itself should sway the most cynical buyer of wayward cast concrete buildings. I have spent, I am not kidding, an hour looking at the plans. I can assure that it is worth at least five minutes of serious consideration.

First, there is the scale. The walls are 37' feet high. You could park a 3-story townhouse inside. The space is so ample that you could store your 2-story fire station in itand when you come across a porcelain pre-fab steel gas station for sale, you will not hesitate for a moment as you picture it neatly stacked on the firehouse. The opportunities for lofts, catwalks, mezzanines, roosts, crow's nests and widow's walks are dizzying.

Then, there is the quality of construction. Like me, you probably bemoan having inadequate wall thickness for serious radiological experiments. True, the walls of Navy X-Ray Facility are only 2 1/2' thick for the final 20 feet, but the fifteen foot base is an impressive 4' thick! Every morning, I would wake up, put on my hearing protectors and shoot my .300 Weatherby at the opposite wall. Check out those concrete notched, stacked wall modules. Corps of Engineers takes no guff!

Ok, sharp -yed Hooptyriders are sure to note the center concrete pad and wonder what would require such a deep footing. Rail car! I am not 1000% sure, but it appears that you would bring in a rail car and offload to the transfer car seen to the right. It looks like a rail car that comes to rest against the wood bumper but the car appears to be perpendicular to the door. And where does the transfer car transfer to? Clearly, a site visit is required.

Auction opening bid: $150,000 Link
Architectural Elevations Link

Porcelain Urinal Sign

2007-05-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

Only a municipality would devote the resources to creating porcelain signs that exhort the savages employed therein to exercise a modicum of self-control. Great typeface, superior craftsmanship and a message that stands the test of time.

Let's say you wanted a custom porcelain sign to enforce bathroom manners or, other, less urgent messages. How would you get one made? Is it even possible anymore? Like water slide decals, can you get them made at any cost? And, yes, I know about the water slide decal paper for computer printers, but I am inquiring about the real deal.

Eccentric Clamp

2007-05-27T11:13:00.001-07:00

During yesterday's garage sales, I came across this ingenious clamp that works on friction, angles and leverage. Like a pipe clamp, the sliding arm adjusts to almost snug. Then a quick flip of the eccentric lever exerts the extra 3/8" of motion required to secure that which desires to be steadfast.

Pat. Feb. 8 87 - I suspect this clamp was
not patented in 1987.

Join me in celebrating Feb. 8 as Eccentric Clamp Day.

The $29 Chair One Hour Challenge

2007-05-26T19:07:00.001-07:00

Asking $40, offered $20, settled at $29.

Trying to avoid projects, I set a one hour deadline for complete refurbishment per the Mister Jalopy 4-step Miracle Process.

Improvement is so startlingly quick, that I like to mask off a section to be dramatically revealed at project end to show the remarkable transformation.

Four Miracle Steps later! Wowee!
Well, 72 minutes. Not awful. I thought I was going to be able to extract the broken arm rest screw with a pair of Vice-Grips and a sunny attitude. Sharp-sighted Hooptyriders will note the tap handle, screw extractor, drill chuck and bit which means the errant screw was drilled and extracted. That added time. But! The 72 minutes did include making a shot of espresso! Sometimes, on a project like this, I will leave a section untouched just to remind myself of where I have come from, where I have been and where I can go in 72 minutes. Not in this case. I spent another 5 minutes 4-Step Miracle Processing this final section.

Mister Jalopy's Urban Guerrilla Movie House

2007-05-16T06:27:00.000-07:00

Before the roof was finished, I must admit the Urban Guerrilla looked pretty ho-hum.

It seems most Hooptyrides posts start with a statement about how busy I have been as way of explanation to justify the dearth of posts on my entertaining internet presence. Add to that the insult that I upgraded, then irretrievably broke Jalopy Junktown and I am bad blogger without defense. And I have been busy - up to my ass-kettle in tea-kettles. So to speak.

To answer the inevitable question, the roof took about 6 hours with a lunch break.
The over-built, under-engineered Movie House base is TIG welded.

Oh, how I miss the drive-in movie theaters that dotted the San Fernando Valley. Sure, there are still drive-in theaters in Los Angeles if you define Los Angeles in the broadest of terms as extending from San Diego to the Antelope Valley. So, I am bringing the drive-in to Maker Faire. I will be at the Make booth on Saturday and Sunday to tell it like it is and show off my blister from too much tin snipping. Plus, I am giving the Deep Sea Suburb talk at the Main Stage.

A Schwinn Town and Country adult tricycle with a Lumenlab-style projector on the back. Inside the wooden box is a stripped 15" PC LCD monitor and replacing the meager florescent backlight is an awesome 400w lamp that is bright like welding. Add a reflector, a couple of fresnals lens and a homemade focusing triplet lens and you are ready to bring the party to the people. Easy as that? Well, not really. I made more missteps than a fox trotter with two left feet. But, I learned a ton along the way and the results will be in Make Volume 11.

Under the roof, curious peekers will find a Mac laptop with a RocketFM transmitter for radio broadcasting the movie audio to the 80's era cassette boombox on the handle bars. Oh, it works like a champ! Does the projector work without AC power? No. It is already heavy like a battleship straining those original, cracked Schwinn tires and I can't imagine how many deep cycle marine batteries would be needed for a 400W lamp. While riding, I assure you, it is plenty satisfying to listen to the awesome cassette power boombox.

The preferred acid test image of the superb Lumenlab DIY Forums. That is an
untouched, un-photoshopped 7 foot diagonal non-HDTV screen shot.
The screen is a sheet of $12 melamine from Home Depot.
Nikon D70, auto settings, no flash.

Without the help of Lumenlab and the collected history of the forums, this project would never have happened. If you can't wait for the Make article, go poke around. BUT, as with all forums filled with experts, PLEASE read the FAQs, the builder guide, the Wiki and search the forums before you start asking if you can use a laptop screen (unless you are Bunnie, you can't) or automobile headlights (you could, but shouldn't.)

Commencement of the 2007 Garage Sale Season

2007-01-28T18:46:00.000-08:00

Federal handgun ammunition laws fall apart in the secondary market.

This is your time to start garage saling. 2007 will be cited in your memoir as the year that you discovered the rich suburban history of the United States. Or the United Wherever. It will be the year that you start collecting the noble cast-offs of the richest generation in the history of the world. Don't worry if you haven't been out hitting it the first few weeks of 2007 as the garage saling season starts now.

A particularly handsome set of streamline accessory seat belts.

Between the holidays and unusually cold Southern California weather, the garage saling has been pretty weak. Not that we weren't out doin' it. You know, living. L-I-V-I-N-G. Petting dogs, poking through junk drawers, retrieving dusty boxes from attic rafters, joshin' with locals, sharing knee-slappers and rib-ticklers, shaking the hand of shrewd 5 year olds and carting away the family history of those that have decided to unburden themselves of those pesky articles. I do not begrudge. Sometimes, in that dark hour, as I face the walls of grade A junk that I have accumulated, I think about selling every last doubloon of treasure and starting over. At some point, your freedom is impinged by the sheer quantity and the idea of starting to fill a little red toolbox from scratch is pretty tantalizing. Those of you that have never garage saled, I am jealous of the opportunity that stands before you.

This hodge podge is actually a carefully edited sample from a garage splitting at the seams.

Take a look at the above photograph. Specifically, take a moment to consider the inline toggle switch at the far lower left. And then examine the pot metal plug above the red knobs. Finally, give the octagonal porcelain fixtures a once over.

These are terrifically abundant times of great commercial access, low prices and seemingly, astonishing variety. But the selection is deceptively narrow. If you wanted to spend $500 on a purse, there are likely 2000 choices and next year you will be presented with another 2000 choices. But if you want a light socket that is the not the standard cheap-ass Leviton, where would you go?

My monocle nearly popped out when I saw these plates. Immediately, I pictured serving desert to cartoon loving friends until I saw all the cartoons had to do with wine. Cheese it shall be. The New Yorker never lets a snob down.

If I were the owner of the Pilot Electric Mfg. Co. Inc., I would be so exceedingly proud to the pull into the parking lot of the Pilot world headquarters each day. Secure in knowing that I produce such a handsome product in such a thoughtfully executed package.

Exquisite packaging is kept in a special section of Hooptyrides, Inc. as a design ideal. Our inspiration not to suck.

Retro is poodle skirts and bubble Wurlitzers. Kooky pink flamingos and boomerang ashtrays. And those are inspired designs. But to like them ironically for their camp value is not enough. It does not pay them due. I am not interested in retro; I am interested in better. And industry had some stuff figured out. Somewhere along the way companies stopped hiring staff artists that could draw and a look back reveals some goddamned good tricks. Not a black box, but black panels that extend almost to the edges. Hand laid Pilot type with an L so beautiful it makes me want to throw myself on the floor. The box lid catalog number is absolutely clear without effecting the legibility of the underlying type. They sure did a lot with two colors of ink.

And, of course, the switch itself - with that bad ass plate - will make your crummy lamp project look like a nuclear submarine or a locomotive. Oh, indeed I would be proud to build an enterprise like the Pilot Electric Mfg. Co. Inc.

While I have never found an Alva skateboard, Schwinn Stingray, Belgian Browning, Offenhauser engine or McIntosh amplifier at a garage sale, but now I can cross car club plaque (my beloved Burbank, no less) off the list. Given the quality of the artwork - especially the Lords typography, do you think this may have been refined on a school book cover made from a brown grocery bag?

Listed uses for the electrical combo lock includes 'Automotive.'
Should I build a car that requires a combo to start?

Everybody that has seen Mrs. Olsen have been immediately taken by her. And, it is not that I don't like this poster, but it seems that there is something a little sinister about her look. Not that she has fangs or anything, but it seems like she is trying to pull a maneuver of some kind. Like you would get the can home and there would be a vicious little monkey inside. Or baby's feet.

Rather than demonic charlatans trying to sell a can of cat paws, I prefer the clarity of the tide campaign. All the slogans are crisp, focused and honest. America's favorite - probably hard to argue. Cleaning you can count on - I appreciate the faith in their product. Tide's In... Dirt's Out - well, that sounds so easy a coffee can monkey could do it! Clean britches for Mr. Monkey!

Coop and I went to the Hot Rod Show on Sunday. There was a car with a set of crude ram log manifolds assembled from pipes scavenged from an Electrolux and then welded together by a blind coffee can monkey. Now, I am not here to talk bad about someones ride, but rather, when I see something like that, I think, ' Those look pretty cool! Kinda shitty... but still cool! That is something I could do! Modest skills be damned!'

Wow, right? Now I have one of these! Oh boy. Have I ever been wanting one of these. Lined with an inch and a half of plywood in a steel cabinet, the lady selling it said, "It's pretty heavy..."

Uh huh. I didn't want a lightweight explosives cabinet.

(All items purchased at garage sales on January 27, 2007)

Everything but Horsepower

2006-12-20T17:41:00.000-08:00

My daily driver is a 1987 Mercedes Benz 300 TD station wagon so there is some surprise when people learn that I am not only a driving enthusiast but am also an accomplished street racer. Granted, sometimes my opponents don't know we are racing. They think they are in a hurry to get to work in their M5. Meanwhile, I am furiously exercising the automatic trans to keep the mighty Mercedes in the sweet 3000-4000 RPM turbo power band. On behalf of the underpowered, I feel I need to show them just what grit and determination can deliver.

When driving a Porsche, you press the gas to go fast. It doesn't matter if you blow a corner. Sheer horsepower will get you back to fast quicker than I can decipher the myriad of flickering warning lights on my Mercedes instrument cluster. The only hope for the underpowered is careful reservation of momentum. You can't brake and you certainly can't lift your foot off the gas. Performance driving of non-performance automobiles requires deep confidence and unwavering commitment. Forget accelerating out of the apex - you have to stay fierce throughout the turn. When you are thinking about pressing the brake, just don't. Instead, picture a giant sling. You are David's rock and the straightaway ahead is Goliath. Keep your momentum as you fling yourself through the turn. It will startle the competition and leave your passengers regretting that they doubted your racing skills.

Speed is relative. Set the cruise control to 45 and take a dash down Main Street in a one deputy town and then tell me that a diesel Mercedes offers no driving excitement. Or how about a hot lap around an underground parking garage? Excepting the menacing concrete columns, it offers a nearly perfect skid pad to pretend you are Brock Yates testing a pricey exotic. The sound is something like strangling parrots - a specific pitch that your co-driver will remember forever after.

Every car is good at something. The body roll and loosey-goosey suspension of the massive Hoopty Country Squire is so striking that all but the most brazen opponents will concede the line in every turn. My Mazda pickup truck was so stiff and predictable, you could dump if completely sideways and that little four cylinder would really roar as you powered out of a slide in 1st gear at 6000 RPM. A champion, that little truck.

My high school girlfriend's Chevy Chevette was so light and nimble, you really felt like you were at the Nurburgring when airborne. Talk about quieting the competition, when they see nothing but air under your car, they know you are in it for the purity of sport. And the off-road capabilities of the Chevette were legendary. Sure, it got stuck up to the floorboards in sand, but it was so light that with a bumper jack and a couple cardboard boxes, one person could free it from any challenge in minutes. If you had two people, you didn't even need to bother with the jack as one person would lift a corner as you gave the little Chevette all the gas you had. After one particularly thrilling drive, I stopped to learn that I had lost the gas cap during the trip to the corner store. Part youthful exuberance and part the liberty of driving a car that isn't yours, I was really able to impress with the lowly Chevette. Besides, there was a Motley Crue Alister Fiend bumper sticker, so at some level, I felt there was a natural expectation for theatrics. There is nothing ambiguous about the Crue.

Naturally, by way of a disclaimer, I would discourage anybody from trying such death defying antics in their own car. But don't be glum as rental cars provide ample opportunity to try all the stuff you have been wondering about - from neutral drops to emergency brake u-turns like Jimmy Rockford. There are a host of American automobile models that were clearly never destined for any non-rental car market, so disdain is natural. The Corsica does not deserve any respect and there is a natural expectation that it will be driven until it smokes from surprising places.

The Subtle Joys of Extreme Overcommitment

2006-11-28T12:31:00.000-08:00

Future history books will refer to this exquisite jewel as the Greene Bellytank

Granted, I knew that I hadn't been posting much to Hooptyrides, but I didn't realize just how infrequent it was until my father called out of concern for my well being.

Most of the following is true. Fixed the Clayton Water Brake Dynamometer (sorta), wrote a profile of my buddy Bobby 'Bellytank' Greene for Garage Magazine, attended the inaugural drylakes showing for the aforementioned race car, built a low rent Japanese garden for Make:Craft, attended dorkbot, founded the Frogtown Gin Rummy Club, built a rocket powered camera, raided a cold war era meteorology laboratory, did my part to ransack a venerable aerospace surplus warehouse, bought a horizontal bandsaw the size of a motorcycle, built out a new retail store, repaired multiple high pressure leaks on a reverse osmosis system, wrote a letter to the Los Angeles Chief of Police, (accidentally) bought a jet boat, attended the Topanga Nordstrom closing auction, tested the Bellytank on my dynamometer, wrote an article for Make:Craft on converting Chinatown pagoda Christmas lights to battery power, visited the profoundly impressive Jay Leno garage, resolved multiple issues on 1987 Mercedes 300TD including a hair raisingly high speed stuck throttle linkage, (accidentally) purchased Coop's 1927 Tall T hot rod, wrote a couple installments of my Make magazine column, read the sobering Omnivore's Dilemma, attended Coop's wildly successful art show, had my Hobart TIG welder repaired, bought three pallets of freight damaged bleach and laundry soap, replaced the shocks on the Chevy truck, built out my new Louis Depalma-style office, refurbished a tanker desk, installed yards and yards of real cork/linseed/burlap roll linoleum, repaired countless gumball machines, met with a production company about a potential television segment, welded together a bandsaw dolly from two Made in China engine stands, repaired an Apple power adapter with safety wire and epoxy putty, attended approximately 300 garage sales and got sick twice. Though not recommended, it turns out you can power sickness through with cold medicine, adrenaline of finding an exceptional value and steel grit. Rest. Pshaw.

In topical news, I will be speaking. Public speaking, as they say in high school. Hooptyriders, join me at Machine Project/Dorkbot/Make Magazine this Saturday.

From Machine Project:

Make Magazine Issue #8 Launch Party

Please join us Saturday Dec 2nd at 5:30pm for a very special meeting of Dorkbot SoCal to launch the new issue of MAKE magazine.

Simon Penny (Director of UCI’s Arts Computation Engineering program) will speak on integrating interaction design, space design, structure design, mechanical design, electronic design and software engineering using his 3D machine-vision driven interactive digital-video project Fugitive 2 as a case study. Attention will then turn to the pragmatic design and fabrication issues involved in building a custom motion control rig for the video projector in the project. Simon is bringing in a prototype of the motion control rig as tangible example.

Mr Jalopy (Contributing Editor to MAKE and automotive mad scientist) will be giving an epic (yet fast paced) talk on “Deep Sea Suburbs: Custom Vans, Internal Combustion Engines, Backyard Anthropology and the California Dream”.

Make magazine issue #8 will be available for perusal and purchase

There is a high probability of free beer and pretzels
Event

Also, topical. On December 8th, the cool kids will be at the House Industries Show at the Reserve Gallery (420 N Fairfax.) House artwork? Real live? That I would not miss!

Mister Jalopy's Guide to Life & Death with Modest Automobiles

2006-09-19T20:23:00.000-07:00

The first time I disassembled a carburetor was at the entrance to Yellowstone Park. With an audience of buffalo, you really have an incentive to get it back together correctly. Individuals have been embarrassing themselves in front of the noble buffalo as long as people have driven the American West. I hoped to set the record straight. An experience like that will burn 'needle and float' into your brain with more clarity than a textbook ever could. Having seen that particular needle and float only one time, I can picture those components more clearly than I can imagine my morning cereal spoon.

That is how you learn. With grease smudges on your forehead and semi-trucks whistling by, there is a hyper awareness that sears information to your brain as sure as instinct. But where do you start?

After being invited to Foo Camp, I decided I wanted to bring something cool to show off and I thought it would be a clever way to get out of hosting a session. Plus, I have a backlog of projects that reach from here to the top of Jack's Beanstalk. Sometimes I think that I should create a list of all the projects, but that invariably leads to an upset stomach and an immediate desire to take a nap.

A favorite idea was to sell books in a standard bulk gumball and sticker machine. Small books. Very small books. A specific volume that would have just enough information to get you started on a new path in life. I have a shelf at home that is dedicated to inspirational books that open a foreign world and change you in a fundamental way. I am not talking about going to Morocco. I am talking about "Getting Started Right with Turkeys." Or "Shop Work on the Farm", "5 Acres and Independence", "Aircraft Sheet Metal Construction", "Locksmithing", "Your Self-Service Store" and "Backyard Poultry Farming". These books give a peek into what might be. One day, you are Joe Average. A nobody. End of the week comes and you are tending baby chicks and picking locks. A transformation has taken place. You are a giant.

Granted, reading a book about building an Ideal Turkey Sunporch is no substitute for bringing home a gobbler. It is a just a starting point. And that's why I wrote Mister Jalopy's Pocket Guide to Life and Death with Modest Automobiles. It is just enough to get you started, to take you from "someday, maybe" to "aw, hell yeah. Let's just do it!" If you are new to old cars, you will pick up some hard earned tips that I wish I knew 12 years ago, but it will be nothing in comparison to the automobile knowledge you will absorb during the first week of old car ownership.

In addition to the Pocket Guide, the Hooptyrides Vending Center also sold brass gears,
toggle switches, tiny motors and even an Olympus lens from a microfiche machine.

Having grown up down the street from the Tony and Susan Alamo Christian Foundation, I have an appreciation for extreme views expressed in 7 point type. Get the right message and it survives without the luxuries of margins or whitespace. I figured I could write a very concise guide to fold up into a standard sticker envelope and peddle it for a dollar. I am partial to machines that operate without electricity. Also, I like machines that are coin operated. And I am very fond of bookmobiles and the whole idea of dispensing information where it is needed. Maybe a Dr. Bonner's soap label of automotive information was the future of publishing...

Well, it turns out the Foo Campers are much more interested in talking about innovation than buying innovation. The suite of vending machines grossed about ten dollars. Perhaps they would have been more interested in a version of Starting Right with Turkeys.

Never one to let disastrous sales results dampen enthusiasm, Mark Fraunfelder suggested that we make the Pocket Guide available as the first title in the Boingboing Digital Emporium of DRM-free products. So, I reformatted it to fit a standard letter size sheet of paper and the pdf is available now for the same value price of one dollar. Same content in a slightly different format.

The joys of owning a jalopy could never be experienced without sitting in the driver's seat. A palpable dramatic tension is added to everything from cross-country road trips to neighborhood picnics when you are never sure if your car is going to start. Mishaps will leave you crying tears of hysterical laughter as you recount tales of tragedy narrowly avoided. It is a very visceral existence. If you spend two hours polishing the chrome bumper on your bucket, treat yourself to an In-N-Out burger at the Lankershim Blvd branch. Or a malted at your local dive. Or a cold beer on the side of a desert highway. You will be surprised how inspiring these moments can be. It makes you believe in everything.

Boingboing post here
Boing Boing Digital Emporium here
Mister Jalopy's Pocket Guide to Living and Dying with Modest Automobiles here

Coloring Contest Entries

2006-09-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

Now that I am spending any available free time considering designs for a completely unattainable 5 piece setting of porcelain tableware, I have had to outsource my custom van theme research and development.

Clearly the sweetest plum of owning a small business is the coloring contest - that's the money melon! Mr. Coop kindly scanned about 20 pages from a circa 1972 Ed Roth coloring book and the kids took it from there.

Passionate Individuals with Exceptional Taste and Boundless Dedication

2006-09-13T12:49:00.000-07:00

Without question, the greatest benefit of running my entertaining internet presence has been the people that I have met. For the borderline obsessive, it comes as a great comfort to find other people that are on a similar path of great folly.

As previously mentioned, I had the coolest neighbors at Maker's Faire. Due to O'Reilly benevolence and technical snafus that restricted sheet metal class attendance, I ended up with about two dozen pairs of leather gloves at the end of the weekend. A dozen pairs of gloves seems about right, while two dozen seems slightly over the top, so I split 'em with Toast and Jillian. Seems they had need for about a zillion pairs of gloves for a project they were working on and sent me this great cover in appreciation! Thanks, guys!

Bonus: Check out this bad ass bar they designed and built with their routing robot!

Nearly 40 years of Flagship Mercedes-Benz

Think you love Mercedes Benz? Yeah, I thought I did, too. That was until Hooptyrider Matt sent a link to his fleet of S-Class Mercedes. The impressive breadth and completeness of the collection almost allows me to overlook the clear corner lights on the W126. Matt! I will send you a set of amber lights if we could please take care of that issue!

If there is one constant to Mercedes design over the last 35 years, it appears to be the desire for the headlights to endlessly sweep backwards. Another iteration or two and they should be pointing straight up toward the sky like a spotlight at a furniture store grand opening.

So, Matt is nuts, right? Yeah. Totally batshit crazy. In addition to the enviable Mercedes collection, check out his Department of Entropy spoof trucks.

Why so cool? Attention to detail.

Holy mackeral. This is a perfect example of taking a joke so far that it stops being funny, starts being insane, flirts with brilliance and then comes right back around to knee slapping hysterical. Don't believe me? Check this and that. If you are still not convinced, click here.

Following the Can-Am Erasers post, I was delighted to learn that I was not the only individual who held world class autosports events on our school desktops. Hooptyrider Andy gets extra credit points for historical accuracy and the fact that all supplies were stolen from the workplace supply cabinet. Bravo!

Anyway, if I recall correctly, we have a mixed grid. The front row is
the Pink Stamps Lotus 30/40 lined up against a Lola T70. In the second
row is a Porsche 917 and a Lotus Elise. No reason why. Third row has a
Lotus Exige that started as an Elise but just didn't work out. Last car
on the grid is a Lotus 23. Guess it's Lotus night.

Mark Miller has a scope of interests that makes me look like a piker. Though the above e-racer is still in the development phase, check out his 'drive-able' 1936 Tatra simulator. Considering the rear engine V-8, it seems like the absolute cheapest, safest way to come face to face with the terror of the car's rear end walking out in front of you on every turn.

Sir Vincent Von Boris knows the joys of a pure craft project for the sole purpose of personal entertainment. As a kid, I would look forward to rainy days with great anticipation. Construction paper, pine cones, sea shells, pipe cleaners, white paste, felt, googly eyes, macaroni, poster paint, colored pencils, pompoms, balsa wood, X-Acto knives, tissue paper, finger paint, orange yarn, burlap, blunt nose scissors, cigar boxes, easter eggs, styrofoam, poster board, stencils, rubber stamps, Elmer's glue, Bic Magic Markers and Scotch tape.

Sir Von Boris, we are mighty impressed. The use of materials is top notch - the paper clip rollbar is absolutely inspired. Never a stickler for Can-Am accuracy when it comes to having a nice time, these cars are delightful for their Death Race menacing good looks.

Gale 'Gearhead' Banks Accidently Welcomes Mister Jalopy to Invitational

2006-08-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

Von Dutch striping on a recently exhumed original hotrod that has not seen the light of day since 1960. I suppose people have all sorts of opinions about Von Dutch's artistic merits, but the reason the fella's work makes sense to me is the striping has so much damn personality. The comically small grill is quite endearing. Looks like it was stolen off a Stewart-Warner Southwind or perhaps a wall heater out of a bathroom at The Plaza Hotel.

Please take a moment to consider the work involved to create that bumper. Then, to really feel like a lazy sod, reflect on the skill and man-hours required to build this entire Italian custom aluminum bodied Hudson. Multiply that times six, as that is how many Hudson commissioned before bankruptcy.

Hubba hubba. If you have not seen The World's Fastest Indian, please do yourself a favor and see it immediately. It was exhilarating to see this motorcycle in person.

Somehow, I suspect this motorcycle never looked this good while under the ownership of Burt Munro.

Think you have made concessions to speed before? Burt was able to sit 3/8" lower because of these rocker arm divots. I am not even particularly interested in motorcycles, but I spent half an hour looking at this amazing machine and kept finding trick shit like this. I don't know that I have seen a greater accomplisment by a single person.

This photograph can not capture the sound of this beast. 300 people's arm hairs were raised when this Bonneville screamer was driven in.

Great humorists and car designers generally do not intersect. All too often, customs and hot rods take themselves pretty seriously. Overly sinister, overly historic, overly self-aware. I was a kid in the 70's reading CarToons and these t-buckets just make sense to me. The Model T windshield, the fussy brass radiator, the Moto-meter style cap, the chrome tube axle, the button tufted leather interior and those ridiculous brass age headlight buckets. But take a closer look... That blue/gold California plate? It's a painted radiator cooler! And that unbelievable, twisted dual turbo monster engine! With no front brakes! Are those wire wheels on the front? Or CHROMED AMERICAN RACING 12 SPOKE SPINDLE MOUNTS? Sweet Jesus!

The T-Bucket was my favorite car at the Gearhead Invitational.

What can you say? The 12 cylinder Ferrari that won Lemans and Monza. Perfectly beautiful with subtle, artful features like those front brake cooling ducts that tell the secret about the monster under this elegant exterior. Absolutely breathtaking to see. But, it isn't a dual turbo T-bucket!

I'm always a sucker for a self-referential, recursive car mural.

The Bean Bandit sick-o flat four old timey dragsters.

Too weird to be French? Is that possible? Is anything weirder than French? Czech Tatra! Czech is weirder! Definitely weirder. Wonderfully so. Check out those cool artillery style wheels! And the pair of horns, as a single horn would look, well, too weird I guess. And the three panel Dymaxion style windshield. Unfortunately, I didn't get a pic of the engine compartment as it does not disappoint on the weird meter. Air cooled V-8 with more chrome geegaws than a JC Whitney catalog. The longer I looked at it, the more I was sucked in by this charmer, with discoveries like the little pump oilcan holder in the engine compartment. Or the threaded bosses on the firewall to hold spare spark plugs. It sure seems like a cool idea to bolt to the firewall a chunk of aluminum with eight threaded holes to hold a set of hotter plugs. I might do just that.

The Gearhead Invitational

When you go to a car show, the fellas are often guarded and kinda assholey. They act as if their precious speed secrets will seep out their ears if they are too friendly. Not the case at the Gearhead Invitational. Everybody, EVERYBODY, was extremely gracious and generous with their knowledge and time. It was a delight to talk to so many crazed individuals.

At the first and most obvious level, it was a supreme honor to be at such an event. It was an absolutely immaculate party where Emily Post would have seemed like a savage. Of course I knew of Gale Banks, as I watch the Banks Power diesel innovations pretty closely. I have been driving diesels for 20 years and am an unapologetic black smoke advocate. Given a chance, I will bore you to tears about diesel technology. If it were not for the copious, cheap and accessible early American oil fields, I am certain we would all be driving diesels on a variable hybrid of petro and plant oils as economics and environment demanded. For a couple years, I have been on the lookout for a first gen Camaro or a nice front engine rail to build into a soybean oil powered turbo diesel racecar. I have a set of Halibrand knock-off Indy wheels for a Trans-Am-style Camaro, festooned with 70's funny car prismatic gold-leaf livery, for my 'Deep Fried Greaseballs' racing team.

Then there was the exclusivity. This wasn't the Burbank Bob Hope Park with families out for a cheap afternoon to tell you about how they used to have a neighbor with a wagon like yours. Even I get a little assholey after hearing that for the 20th time. Unless somebody jumped the fence, you knew everybody present was at least as crazy about cars as you are.

Now, I am reasonably presentable, friendly, use please/thank you, and know where the trash can for empty beer bottles is, but this was an afternoon with everybody who ever appeared in Hot Rod or Rodder's Journal. I had dinner with the fellas who built the world's fastest flathead Ford, while I'm satisfied if I can get the Country Squire idling half decent with my $5 garage sale Holley carb.

The Hooptyrides Ford Country Squire
Photo Credit: Coop and Ruth

Finally, there was the dimension of not deserving to be there that made it really sweet. Talk about getting away with something! The Hoopty Squire right out there on the lawn with the best of the best.

In true Hooptyrides style, I distinguished myself by having the cheapest automobile at the event. The Ford Country Squire was purchased at a garage sale for $700, and I had negotiated against a potential buyer who was offering $500, a bag of weed and a free apartment carpet cleaning. It is rare that I am the fellow with MORE money in an automobile purchase negotiation.

Mostly, it was profoundly inspiring - despite being humbling when you realize that, comparatively, you really don't know anything. It really made me want to get to work on my crackpot schemes.

Thank you, Gale and Vicki Banks. Thank you very much indeed.

(Want to see more photos? Coop and Iowahawk did a better job of documentation.)

Can-Am Racing Erasers

2006-07-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

The Pink Pearl - Sounds like a dirty Italian 'art' film

I couldn't tell you which states were in the first 13 colonies. The Mississippi is a long river, but I have no idea how long. George Washington was the first President and Jefferson was the third, but I don't know who the second was. I can say pencil in French, but have no idea how to say pen. These embarrassing gaps in knowledge are the direct result of daydreaming while racing Pink Pearl eraser Can-Am racecars at my grade school desk.

With the logo side down, the shape of a Pink Pearl was a nearly perfect Can-Am car. Draw wheel wells and mags on the sides, faux headlights at the front leading edge, exhaust pipes out the rear, a two-seater cockpit with rollbar and, most importantly, 8 fuel injector velocity stacks directly behind the driver to suggest an 800 horsepower Chevy big block.

Of course, you would get in big trouble for desk racing Hot Wheels, but the teachers were largely helpless when it came to an eraser car. When accused, you would thrust the eraser in the air and snottily declare, "It's just an eraser!"

Can-Am cars are burned into my brain as the ultimate racecar. Brutally fast and light cars, the Can-Am racing series was the last bastion of unlimited racing before the buttondown 1970's. From the wikipedia entry, "...essentially a formula libre for sports cars; the regulations were minimal and permitted unlimited engine sizes (and allowed turbocharging and supercharging), virtually unrestricted aerodynamics, and were as close as any major international racing series ever got to anything goes..."

Porsche showed up with 1300 horsepower and absolutely inspired livery

With a rule book that would fit on the inside of a matchbook cover, it was an unambiguous challenge to build the lightest car possible, stuff in the world's most powerful engine and rivet together enough aerodynamic downforce to keep the car from taking flight. A simple plan, but the beauty of the Can-Am series was the terrifically inventive ideas (if it worked) or crackpot schemes (if it didn't) to hopefully best the smartest designers and drivers in the world.

Jim Hall blew the paint department budget on snowmobile engines

So, sitting in front of a full race, uncorked injected big block is probably pretty loud. Then add a 2-cycle 'ringdingdingringdingdingdingding' snowmobile engine running two giant fans to suck the car to the track. The Chaparral 2J 'Sucker' had a Lexan skirt that wrapped the perimeter to create a race car suction cup that had a full 1/2 G advantage over the other fellas. Imagine running down the first straight and trying to decide when to lift your foot off the accelerator. With McLarens, Porsches, Lolas and Ferraris behind you, how far are you going to push into the turn?

Fearless astronauts. That's who was racing these cars. And mad scientists were building them.

Not Tommy Ivo, Not Nailheads; A Rotax motorcycle engine for each wheel

Visionary genius is just a few mistakes away from crackpot idiot. The MACS-IT team put together a seemingly preposterous race car with a motorcycle engine at each corner. If it had worked, they would have been heralded as prescient instead of limping home with their tail between their legs to forever explain the 45 mph average lap speed delta between the MACS and the Chapparal.

That's innovation. Throw everything at the problem, pick a couple of promising ideas from the mix and tweak them with all the passion in the world. Like the dry lakes boys. Or when Smokey Yunick showed up at a NASCAR race with a nitrous oxide set-up after reading about nitrous use on WWII aircraft.

Shadow Prototype - Like Han Solo in Carbonite

So, why the sudden Can-Am obsession? As these things often start, there is a car for sale.

Sometimes, you see something that makes such intuitive aesthetic sense that you get a bit of a tummy ache and can only utter a single, 'oh my...'

Rather than focusing on engine count or vacuum downforce, Don Nichols decided on a viciously low profile to beat the best.

A few quotes from the Bonham's Auction listing:

"At the nose of the car the overall height is determined by the driver's feet. Harris has beat poor George Follmer, who drives it, completely splay-footed; the pedals work on nearly vertical axes, and there is room for only two of them. The clutch is operated by a cockpit level at the driver's left-hand...

Pete Lyons, the absolute dean of CanAm covering race reporters, continued: The car is hard to believe even when seen, so tiny is it, literally knee-high. It all depends on the minute Firestone tires, which have 11ins and 16ins footprints but are mounted on wheels 10ins and 12ins in diameter."

I love everything about the Shadow Lowline Prototype. Looks like it is carved from a solid block of some sinister black space polymer. Black is faster than white, lower is faster than higher and with that bazooka air intake this appears to be the fastest automobile on earth.

Having started only two races and finishing none, perhaps this is the Can-Am car for me. The Shadow Prototype is so oddball that self-respecting collectors will consider it a curious footnote but might not be willing to devote the garage space to it. As I have no self-respect, perhaps I should sell some of my best stuff, some of my worst stuff, and all the mediocre stuff to head up to Monterey with $50k in a paper bag.

When the auctioneer says, 'Do I hear an opening bid of $75,000 for the 1968-69 AVS Shadow-Chevrolet 'Lowline' Can-Am Racing Sports Initial Prototype?' I will leap to my feet and thrust my grimy paper bag in the air - just as I had with the Pink Pearl racecar eraser - and yell, "FIFTY THOUSAND US DOLLARS!!!!"

Then, I will sit back down as somebody bids $55k and watch the whole thing spiral out of control. That is the disappointing thing about auctions for those of us of more modest means - our first bid is our best bid, our highest bid and our last bid.

Think you can do better? I wouldn't doubt it. Send pics of your entry for the Eraser Nationals

This eraser is not a relic from when I was a kid nor was it found at a garage sale. I drew it a couple days ago. My idea of fun is fundamentally the same as when I was 10 years old. I still like to go as fast as I can. Still like ice cream bars and arcade games. I enjoy walking along railroad tracks and idle fishing when there is no hope of catching anything. I build stuff for the joy of building. Go karts and minibikes, pinball machines and firecrackers, tree houses and ghost towns, pocket knives and monkey wrenches.

Four engines or snowmobile engined fans? Who would have thought either would work? Sounds like something I would have drawn on an eraser 25 years ago, though I would have combined the theories for a full five engines.

Nice Can-Am History Here
And Pete Lyon's site, the authority.

Can-Am Books
Chaparral
Can-Am Racing
Can-Am Cars
Can-Am by Lyons

Handy Magazine Covers

2006-07-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

Make Magazine Senior Editor Phil Torrone asked if I had any magazines from the golden age of handy. I did, so I scanned them.

Though I have never seen a welding vacuum chamber with pink Playtex Living Gloves, welding of exotic materials like titanium is still done with a TIG setup very similar to this. Looks like a coffee table from Skin Two.
Want to see my entire collection of handy magazines? Here.

Remove Beer Can From Paper Bag Before Consumption

2006-07-23T17:35:00.000-07:00

The Hooptyrides, Inc. Patio Area

Everybody's asking, instead of posting to your entertaining internets presence, are you running around like a bare chested savage at Hooptyrides, Inc.? Are you drinking from a dog dish? Howling at the moon? Barking at passersby? Are you knee deep in god-awful? Up to your suspenders in filth? Hijacking trash trucks? Like a damned animal in a damned cage?

Considering the condition of Hooptyrides, Inc. on the day that I received the keys I can not begrudge anyone asking such insulting questions. Environmental site testing was completed by taking soil samples from a depth of 15 feet, but if we really wanted to find something fantastic and terrifying, we should have taken samples from the restroom. It was outerspace terrible. Horror movie face eating bacteria awful. After a week, you really started to get a sense that it is filthy but having spent 6 months scraping the floor with a putty knife, only now can I fully understand how bad things can get.

It was a sobering exercise and I am treating it as a cautionary tale. Don't lose sight of civilization. Stay connected with humans. Don't get used to odd smells; eliminate them. Before going garage saling, empty the car of last week's finds. Keep the shoes shined.

As people have done for generations, I dressed up the medicine cabinet in the Hooptyrides, Inc. Executive Washroom with a charming waterslide decal of two kittens.

Ape Products is moving from Burbank, so I have been watching their trash cans pretty closely. I was stunned then delighted to find these ultra custom director chairs. Though not perm for the patio, they sure are a welcome addition to the Hooptyrides shop. What if I need to interview John Force? Or Evil Knievel? Or Ted Nugent? What if Ted Nugent wants to interview me?

Ball Chain Clown Head

2006-07-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't say that I collect ball chain, but I wouldn't say that I don't. It is more like money. I like to have money in the bank and the second best thing is to have things that money buys in ready reserve. In a sort of elastic view of currency, having a $10 pile of ball chain stock is practically the same as having ten dollar bills.

The entire jar of ball chain was purchased an inch or ten at a time from garage sales. If I see a little 5" piece, I will offer a nickel for it. You can't ask, "How much for the ball chain?" as people have seemingly lost an understanding of amounts of money under a quarter. Before they can say twenty-five cents, dig out that nickel and get ready for some serious negotiating. They will look at the extraordinarily modest length of ball chain and realize that a nickel looks pretty damn good. Sure, I save money by never paying retail for ball chain but, more than that, I save time, energy and trips to Home Depot. Saving trips to Home Depot is a pretty good policy for healthy living. For each Home Depot trip I avoid I suspect I add a day to my life, not to mention dollars to the bank, gas to my tank and time to my day. And if that isn't enough, Home Depot doesn't even sell ball chain on the spool anymore. Not surprisingly, Amazon does at 30 cents a foot.

Of course, the economics of buying ball chain at garage sales make no sense but, besides priceless treasures, I buy lots of staples at garage sales-from binder clips to pegboard hooks to Pendaflex folders to circuit breakers to Astrobright paper to sandpaper to half-full cans of WD-40. In other words, all the stuff that makes you wonder how you pissed away so much money and don't have anything to show for it.

Save on the stuff that doesn't matter and spend your money on heirlooms. When was the last time you bought something that you knew you would have for your entire life and pass down to future generations?

How do you drill a hole in a cupcake topper without disturbing the clown's plucky hat? Pilot hole. Use a tiny drill bit first, then expand the hole with larger drill bits in several steps.

Remember the game closet in The Royal Tenenbaums? With the Monopoly house on the light pull chain? If the Beastie Boys are our band, Wes Anderson is the moviemaker for our hopelessly sentimental generation. I am continually amazed by his astonishing understanding of what it is like to be a geeky kid. He makes movies that reflect how we thought life was going to be. The big projects, the car projects, the Make projects, are great. But boy is it satisfying to knock out something like this in fifteen minutes.

Uncollecting

2006-06-25T16:44:00.000-07:00

Though people would argue otherwise, I am not a collector. No deep specific knowledge, no complete collections, no gaps I am trying to fill. I am not a completist or a condition snob. Sure, I collect all sorts of stuff but more like a magpie than an aesthete. Rather than condition or rarity, I am more likely swayed by low cost and quiet charm.

Those Circus Peanuts make me want to jump through a flaming hoop!

People don't believe that I buy cans of hardened paint. But I have. I don't collect cans of hardened paint, but I buy things that look like I wish the whole world looked. I didn't realize I had such a collection until corralled them to a single shelf. It's inspiring to see it all in one place.

Hooptyrides Rocks It with the Highest of Bias

2006-06-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

Hooptyrides is going back to mixed tapes! C30 C60 C90! We will be selecting Dolby B, we will be selecting Dolby C! Metal and chrome tapes! Heads will be cleaned and DEMAGNETIZED. Careful planning to be assured for complete 45 minute sides. Expert control of the pause button will be required for gapless edits between songs.

Only 1% of the used Mercedes available are actually worth purchasing at any price. The vast majority of used Mercedes are valueless as the immediate deferred maintenence required costs are more than the blue book value. Mercedes have always been complicated cars and were designed by fastidious individuals to be owned by fastidious individuals. The expectation of Mercedes engineers is that the cars will be religiously maintained by qualified professionals.

Perhaps this happens in Hockenheim, but in the United States the cars are just not carefully considered. They are treated as an appliance rather than an asset. There are a few questions you can ask to quickly weed out the 99% of worthless cars:

- Is it a one family car?

"Sure, I bought it from my old boss!" - That doesn't count. Handed down from a grandfather, ok. Old boss, nope.

- Does the automatic antenna still work?

"No, those always break." - Did you maintain it according to Mercedes specification including using the special Mercedes-brand antenna mast lubricant?

- Does the air conditioning blow ice cold?

"Just needs freon!" - Nope. Mercedes air conditioning is notoriously complex, fragile and expensive to repair.

- Are the toolkit and medical kit complete and accounted for?

"The what?" - All these questions add up to a story.

- Is the maintenance book correctly stamped for all services?

"Yes! Up until the warranty ran out, then the guy at the corner shop maintained it." - The guy at the corner shop might be better than the dealer service department. Or might not.

- Is the Becker stereo still in the car?

"No! We replaced it with a NEW PANASONIC CD!" - It is a rare individual who will maintain the Becker cassette deck and that is who you want to buy a Mercedes from.

So, how did my 1987 300TD stack up? One family, handed down from Dad. Auto antenna worked. AC blew cold, but the vacuum pods were not working for some of the vents which means cold air was coming out the defroster windshield vents. Toolkit and medical kit were present. Stamped by dealer through warranty period and I talked to the independent Mercedes mechanic who had maintained since the warranty. Hint: his shop was immaculate. Becker was gone. I still bought it as I had been looking for 2 years.

Chances are you have never heard of Becker stereos unless you have owned a German car. It's not that it is the greatest stereo ever made, but Mercedes should have Beckers. It's just the way it is. The design, operation, aesthetics and quality of manufacture mesh very well with Mercedes. So, up there on my bench, is an 80's Becker Mexico that will go back in my 300TD. It is hooked up to a GW Laboratory DC Power Supply and appears to be pulling about .5 amps. I bought that power supply at a garage sale from a nascent tattoo artist. She wanted to sell the tattoo gun, the power supply, some rusty needles and crappy looking flash for $100. I gave her $5 for the power supply and left her with the other stuff. Funny how stuff moves around. Engineered and built for labs then makes its way to a tattoo artist and now is powering my car stereo. Nutty.
I am disappointed to learn that Casey Kasem is no longer hosting the America's Top 40 radio show as I thought I was going to have a throw down home taping weekend here at Hooptyrides, Inc. Perhaps I will still tape the entire show on my new Uher Royal tape recorder and then edit the best songs and any entertaining anecdotes down to a "Best of America's Top 40 for June 11, 2006" cassette tape. To listen to in my Mercedes Benz.

So how did all this happen? Well, I accidently went to an auction and accidently bought 5 pallets worth of refurbished Becker and Blaupunkt stereos, Isophon replacement Mercedes speakers, vintage Uher tape recorder parts, an entire Blaupunkt service department, 100's of Hirschmann antennas, 100 lbs. of MAF MAK Hirschmann connectors, 20 cases of the legendary Zum 5000 diesel fuel additive and a pair of brand new Sencore SG165 AM/FM Stereo Analyzers.

I can not tell you how relieved I am that TDK SA90 High Bias tapes are still available at Amazon.

House Industries

2006-05-23T08:42:00.000-07:00

Not often that Hooptyrides posts about new blogs, but there is only one House Industries. You can spend hours and hours looking for cheap fonts, cheaper fonts and free fonts and you will find precisely what you deserve. Little League baseball jerseys deserve better. House owns cool. Not the cool of the 'lad magazines' but the cool that comes from diving for pennies in a 70's swimming pool, of hot rods, skateboards, thrift store records, punk rock, boomboxes, schlock science fiction and custom vans. If House had a garage band, it would be named Tequila Harvest Gold.

Wanna see real live magic? Click here and select Ed Benguiat Fonts, Ed Interlock. Type a long word. Now, change a few letters and reset. Repeat 20 times. Read about ligatures and then complain about how hard you work. House does the heavy lifting so the rest of us look cool.

Quartersawn Oak Lathes in Hooptyrides Inc. Basement

2006-05-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Before - 40 Years of Unmentionable Grime

Eventually Hooptyrides, Inc. will reach the density of Hooptyrides, Orig. In the meantime, I am having a fantastic time of clear worksurfaces and an overabundance of storage. It is an odd dichotomy for Hooptyrides as the blank shelves look ridiculous when they are Ikea empty. It's like a Marie Calendars restaurant with half filled shelves of dubious artifacts like Clabber Girl Baking Powder cans, unused Tibet Almond Stick and Reader's Digest Condensed Books.

After - Newspapers Practically Read Themselves

Admittedly, the loss of a lathe can hardly be marked as progress but it went with the original owner and there was nothing I could do about that. As to be expected, the machine shop has gone through the Buck-Ninety-Eight remodel that Hooptyrides is known for. The floor was scrubbed, patched, primed and painted with epoxy floor paint. The desk was found at a garage sale and was loose to the point of spontaneous disassembly. After the Hooptyrides 4-Step-Process for wood renewal, the desk was brought to the basement in several pieces then glued and clamped back together. Now that it is whole, it will not be leaving the basement unless it goes in splinters. The chair is from the trash. The chocolate studs and red shelves were painted with cans of leftover paint from the leftover paint shelf. The tongue and groove knotty pine was purchased from a used building supply yard for 40 cents a linear foot . The shelves were found at a garage sale and cut to fit. The shelf supports are made from a cut up window screen frame. Existing lighting was not functional so ballasts and bulbs were replaced all around.

Eventually, a lathe will find me and I will be flinging machine oil without reservation. In the meantime, I will be reading newspapers at my newly refurbulated desk.

Sweet Terror

2006-05-09T23:20:00.000-07:00

To select the most obviously dangerous race car in race car history would seem to be the sort of conversation that would cause an argument. No digger, turbine or jet engine flying missle of death can compare with the Smokey Yunick 'Sidecar'. Just keep this photo in your wallet and all bar room arguments will grind to a halt. Plus, if the discussion turns to stupidest bumper in the history of automobile racing, you just won another beer.

Four cylinder, dual overhead cam, hemispherical head what-have-you but the powerplant doesn't really matter. This scares me to just look at it. This is like the Exorcist of race cars.

Thanks to Glenn for the fantastic link.

The Road to Maker Faire

2006-05-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

The Catastrophe

There are four types of people in the world:

- Those that will never remove an exhaust manifold bolt AKA the Lucky Few

- Those that have broken an exhaust manifold bolt

- Those that will break an exhaust manifold bolt

- Those that lie about whether or not they have broken an exhaust manifold bolt

I have broken and will continue to break exhaust manifold bolts for the remainder of my life. The only other choice is to stop working on cars. But despite application of heat, days of penetrating oil, engines at operating temperature, makeshift heatsinks and all the Vise Grips in the world, sometimes it is just time for the bolt to break.

When I am lucky and righteous, I remove all exhaust manifold bolts without issue or concern. When I am unlucky and on the crooked path, I break one. If I am on my way to Maker Faire in 2 days, I break 2 bolts.

Two days before leaving for Maker Faire

Proper and Improper Ways to Remove Broken Exhaust Manifold Bolts

Option 1: Remove the hood, carb, distributor, intake manifold, power steering pump, exhaust manifold, a scary looking valvetrain assembly, pushrods and then the entire cast iron head. Once, the head is on the bench, remove the broken bolt with an EZ Out. The EZ Out works great IF you have straight access to the broken bolt.

Option 2: Pull the engine. I almost did this. Then I would have had straight ahead access to the bolts and, ostensibly, could have removed the broken bolts.

Option 3: Drill out the old broken bolt. Then, instead of the bolt threading into the head, pass a new bolt clean through and cap it with a nut and lock washer.

Option 1 and option 2 are scary as who knows what other problems you are going to come across when you are up to your ears in engine disassembly and removal. Option 3 is far from ideal as who knows if it will work. If it doesn't, you just destroyed the head. And I could find no Google evidence of anybody ever trying.

100 People will tell you this won't work,
but I have 750 exhaust leak-free miles under my belt that suggest otherwise

I chose option 3. Just drill out the old bolt - but how with no access for a drill? Bolts are hard! And the broken stub presents a less than ideal surface to be drilling.

I tried my right angle drill, a regular drill with a right angle attachment, a cordless drill with an offset adapter and a Dremel with a flex shaft. None of those worked as there was either not adequate space or not enough leverage to drill out the old bolt. Mind you, this is all happening on Wednesday and I have to leave for Maker Faire (360 miles north) on Friday morning.

In dire project times, I have been known to wander around the hardware store just looking for an answer. Generally, this is the 9th ring of desperation and you are ready to empty your bank accounts and pawn your watch if you can just get out from under the project with all 10 fingers and a fading sense of humor.

The Dremel Right Angle adapter! I didn't even know there was such a thing! Besides having no room for tools, there was no room for the drill bit. Dremel resolved this issue as you could use a comparatively stubby tungsten carbide bit to 'carve' out the old bolt. This filthy and imperfect procedure is not for the faint of heart as it is time consuming, generates considerable glove piercing metal filings and has a very high risk of ruining the head on your car.

Tuesday Night, I think. With WSJ as date reference.

But it worked. And by the second hole, I had refined my technique such that most of the threads were still intact and I was able to clean up the threaded hole with the appropriate tap. Even though the new bolt was pretty tight, I still added a lock nut and washer to the backside. This novel and ridiculous solution still required an awful lot of work but not as much as pulling the engine. I ended up dropping the exhaust, draining the power steering system, dropping the power steering box (HEAVY for one person), replacing a leaking power steering hose, disconnecting the AC hoses, removing a valve cover and who can even remember what else.

The Road Trip

I haven't been bored since July 4th, 1976. For the bicentennial, one of the TV networks presented 5 back-to-back parades from across the USA and I hunkered down for the long haul. It was difficult to reconcile my love for parades with the crippling boredom of five awful parades. I wouldn't be surprised if the BBC played the same parades so the Brits could smuggly declare that we got what we deserved. I was aghast by the flatbed trailers draped with bunting in the Detroit Spirit of 76 parade hosted by Loretta Swit. That was the last time I remember being bored.

No Ipod, no stereo, no air conditioning and not a smidge of boredom. Who could want for stimuli when you have time to consider custom van themes, firecracker packaging, modern farm equipment, blossoming trees, tremendously smelly stock yards, crackpot inventions, net generational impact of Mad Magazine vs. Playboy, LED voltage requirements, future Make articles, the Uniball Deluxe Micro, the merits of a brass drift, LiteBrite, telephone ringers, John Steinbeck, laminating machines and fiberglass lamp shades. Sweet luscious, generous hours spent without a paint brush in your hand. Just when you think you could possibly run out of things to think about, you can wonder about how they bronzed baby shoes. And then Harris Ranch appears on the horizon and you realize it is time for a restorative breakfast and bloody mary at the bar. The uneventful road trip is an incredibly rich gift to a busy person. The blank fields of the Central Valley are a stark contrast and unambiguous pleasure in comparison to the more subtle joys of using tweezers to pick metal filings from your hands.

Though not classically scenic, a drive through the California Central Valley is far from boring.

Road trips in old cars are different. There is never a complete relaxation. Automobile journeys used to be harrowing and they still can be when you are driving a 40 year old car. I think of cars from the '60s as being comparatively modern, but there is no denying the decay of materials over time. Old cars get old. After driving for about an hour, you can feign relaxation and even dramatically stretch your arm across the generous front bench seat but you still can't let down your guard.

Every scent, noise, shimmey, knock, ping or tug must be carefully examined and evaluated as most catastrophic automobile failures are prefaced with a scent, noise, shimmey, knock, ping or tug. The attention that an old car requires becomes a sixth sense as you are able to track issues faster than you can think. It means there are a lot of false alarms. When you hear a crow or smell carne asada tacos, before you are even able process what you are smelling or hearing, you leap to immediate terror mode.

'What's that! What's that smell!? Tacos! Is that my car? Are tacos a car smell?! Do cars make a cawww like a crow before the trans goes up in smoke?!'

Luckily, car failures don't smell like fresh cut grass, diesel smoke, the ocean or any of the myriad of other smells found on the road or you'd never get anywhere. Unless somebody else had Mickey Mouse'd an exhaust bolt repair a day before and then drove 360 miles, I would bet nobody was more grateful for arriving at the Maker Faire than myself.

The Maker Faire

Toast and Jillian made that World's Biggest Ipod sign for me

I brought the World's Biggest Ipod, the 80's boombox with tv screen, the Ford Country Squire, the close-up photography rig, the battery powered red velvet pagoda lanterns and more tin snips than you would think one person could own.

One of the four sheet metal classes I taught

When I was in high school, I found a world of modern day mad scientists in the pages of Byte magazine. Technology was discussed conversationally with humor and personal anecdotes. These guys were up to their hip waders in machine code and I was merely learning shape tables in Applesoft BASIC but I felt like we were all in it together. We were poking at the edges of what was possible.

In the early 1980's, lightening hit a power pole near Byte columnist Steve Ciarcia's house and knocked out a few of his computers. He opened a number of commercial surge protectors and found they lacked adequate protection, so he detailed building his own from a Radio Shack power strip and adding a few metal oxide varistors. The Circuit Cellar surge protector was the first thing I built other than an 8 foot long skateboard.

I opened something and changed it.

I built something that was better than what was commercially available.

I understood the technology behind it.

I knew what I had as it was not a mysterious black box.

If it was good enough for Steve Ciarcia, it was good enough for me.

It had a profound effect on me.

Since I was in my booth for the duration, I can't really tell you about the Maker Faire as others can report it. I saw the Maker Faire as it came to me. I asked lots of people what they thought of the whole shebang and everybody loved it. Organizational snafus were sometimes mentioned, but folks were mighty impressed. I asked if they were subscribers to Make and lots of folks had not heard about Make before the Faire was in the local newspaper. People said, 'It is inspiring my kids.'

"Make whatever!" and they did

I am not an expert in sheet metal. I am not an expert in anything. But it doesn't keep me from doing it anyway. When you have a broad base of mediocre skills, you twist and fit your projects to your materials and abilities. I taught four sheet metal classes and in each class there was somebody that knew at least as much as I did. The sterling guys at Metal Supermarkets donated a bunch of great metal stock and I brought some old tin signs and flattened coffee cans.

Another project

A few years ago, I went to see an old world craftsman in his sheet metal shop. He had learned metalworking in some eastern block country and was unbelievably skilled. Extreme talent from decades of hammering metal but he was an absolute jerk. As he was working on my project, I would ask him why this and how that. He wouldn't tell me anything except for how skilled he was and how young people don't care.

And another.

If you wait for the experts to stop and explain, you might be waiting a long time. Learn a little from everybody and show them the little bit that you know.

Toast and Jillian watched their robot so closely
that I think they were expecting it to talk.

Despite not getting out, I met some super great people. I was lucky to have the best neighbors at the Faire - Toast and Jillian of Because We Can. What would you think of a couple that saved up their pennies and bought a CNC routing robot that cuts 4x8 sheets of plywood at a rate of 600 inches per minute? Yeah. Me too.

Good clean fun from Jillian and Toast. Those jokers.

Maker's Bill of Rights for Pragmatists

I wrote an article for Make Issue 4 called the Maker's Bill of Rights. Every once in a while, somebody suggests making it actionable by building a framework that could be applied to products unilaterally. Maker Approved! A stamp of approval like the UL sticker. It's a good idea - especially if it already existed!

While talking to Dale Dougherty about a pragmatic approach to the Bill of Rights, I floated the idea of a product wiki. It would start with manufacturer provided information and then grow with individual experiences and the fruits of reverse engineering. Pin-outs and schematics, hacks and cracks. That would be superb! But, as Dale pointed out, that is a life's work.

Turns out somebody built already built it and the product wiki is waiting to be populated. And it is already loaded with current and discontinued hardware. All the metadata has been scrubbed and rationalized. And manufacturer's specs are already loaded. All thanks to a little company called Amazon. I already started adding some detail to the wiki devoted to hacker's favorite cheap LCD panel - the PS One LCD Screen.

More?
Wired News - Making a Revolution
Newsweek Online - The Festival for Alpha-Geeks and Inventors

The Edible Color of Race Cars

2006-04-06T11:09:00.000-07:00

Over at favorite blog thingsmagazine.net, there is a little set of photographs taken at the Ferrari factory in Maranello. Race cars have a special exemption from color theory and practice. Race cars can pull off color combinations that are otherwise acceptable only in the world of Fisher Price. There is something about the density, saturation and depth of race car livery that looks like you could dip an ice cream scoop in the fender for dessert. Granted, this assembly line Ferrari is not a race car, those blue body panels are seemingly temporary and you can't really count the floor but, damn, that looks good despite the yellow-red-orange-blue odds.

Though this is not the original Gulf GT-40, it is the best photo I could find to show off the perhaps most successful (and unlikely) livery color combination ever. There is something about a little bit of of milky white in the blue that makes it looks soft like Playdoh.

Modern race cars look too primary color for my tastes, but the Renault F1 car captures that same sherbert-like appearance with a little white in the mix. The red hot disc rotor doesn't hurt one whit.

I am still an advocate of the ferocious attitude of black/gold from the Hemi Under Glass to the Bandit Trans-Am, and the one true scheme for a funny car is red,white and blue. However, these milky saturated colors are going to drive me to Baskin Robbins this afternoon to do some more color research. In the name of science.

P.S. Superb funny car archive here

Mister Jalopy on TV

2006-04-05T17:59:00.000-07:00

Less volatile and less moustache than the Orange County Choppers guys, but there I am on Discovery Channel Canada. I think producer Carol did a super job. The sound guy, JT, and I were talking about Jessco The Dancing Outlaw immediately prior to firing up the giant Ipod so, when the sweet sounds of old timey twang came from the mystery machine, I was moved to do a jig. Suffice to say, I was not expecting that I would be doing any dancing on television, but there I was. Dancing.

Daily Planet Homepage here. Video archive here. Any Hooptyriders know how to get the Daily Planet video viewer to work on a Mac? Seems even PCs have problems with the audio.

Blue, Red and White

2006-04-01T19:03:00.000-08:00

Before - Subtle like a STP sticker

Though a tremendous color scheme for a funny car, I found the red, white and blue to be a bit much for the day to day. My high school history teacher would liven up his slide presentations with gratuitous photos of bicentennial fire plugs. I had always called them fire hydrants, but he was the expert. Not counting the tax-deductible travel costs, the collection was modestly priced, more varied than you would think and, as a photo album, compact. Not surprisingly, he said that it was getting harder and harder to find new bicentennial fire plugs to add to his collection.

After - Official Flag of Hooptyland, two patches of pegboard crossed with a field of chalkboard

Rather than the go-go patriotic theme, I chose a palette more befitting a mulch pile. The counter is the natural hub of Hooptyrides and, despite countless work benches, I end up doing a lot of work at the nucleus of the operation. It only made sense to install pegboard to store the most commonly misused tools. That is a 4x8 expanse of handy. A 4x4 slab of pegboard, a 2x4 sheet of masonite painted with chalkboard paint and a final 2x4 sheet of pegboard to round it out. The whole shooting match is hung on a perimeter frame made of old pallet wood with a couple vertical members on each side of the chalkboard.

So, why no posting to Hooptyrides? I have been a little busy.

Mister Jalopy on the TV! - Canadians will be able to see Mister Jalopy discuss garage sales, giant ipods and why it is worth smashing your thumbs for glory on the Discovery Channel Canada's Daily Planet show. Maybe April 4th, maybe April 5th. Whatever the case, those that miss it (including non-Canadians) will be able to see the archived show on the Daily Planet site.

Maker's Faire - I will be attending the Maker's Faire with the Country Squire, the giant ipod, my copystand and my new hack - an 80's Panasonic Boombox with a Playstation LCD screen, TV tuning and remote control! Visit Mister Jalopy's Garage to see my cool junk, learn to punch and pop rivet sheet metal, see the $15 close-up photography rig, listen to the Ipod, watch the boombox TV and attend my workshop, How to Buy, Live, Tune and Die with Old Cars. We will tune-up the Country Squire - live!

Jalopyjunktown.com - I have been too busy to post to Hooptyrides, so what do I do? Solve it like the North Koreans would! Resolve issues by introducing new problems that dwarf the original! Inspired by the Mad Professor, Jalopy Junktown is a more frequently updated site with cool stuff that I come across and the riveting, weekly garage sale update on the best item of the week.

The Country Squire

Boss, right?! 70's-style low rider dingle-berries by the way of Chinatown red plastic Christmas tree lanterns running off battery power! Why? Well, it really creates a stir when you go cruising in a Buddhist temple. Can't wait for the Make article? Re-wire from the stock serial wiring to parallel and connect to a 7.2V remote control battery. Come to the Maker's Faire and check 'em out up close and personal.

Hooptyrides, Inc. Update

2006-03-25T17:36:00.000-08:00

Little projects turn to big projects. Installation of bead board for the classic old timey look should be easy enough. Liquid Nails, a Skil Saw and the punk rock. But what if you are installing the bead board by yourself? On a cinder block wall? That ripples like a modest-sized river? With nary a square edge? Suffice to say, cursing occurs.
The cornerstone of a tune-up is a distributor that advances correctly through the RPM range. I always wanted a Sun distributor machine.
Chumps and suckers don't have pencil sharpeners. The rest of us have pencils of great pointiness.
Some of those might work!

Top Five Sleepers of All Time

2006-03-21T11:52:00.000-08:00

Naturally, people will respond that some of these cars are not sleepers, not mundane lookers, not wolves in sheep's clothing, but they are. It is not a slight - I love them more for their benign looks. Admittedly, the list is slanted a bit towards Mercedes but there is no denying they were masters of building viscous muscle cars in sedate packages.

Number 1
Mercedes 450 SEL 6.9

6.9 LITERS. That is a mighty V-8. Absolutely bristling performance with gobs and gobs of torque. Not convinced that a car of this size could be a thrilling drive? Check out Ronin.
Number 2
Mercedes 500e

Take the dowdy W124 Mercedes, build half in the Mercedes plant then shuttle it back and forth a half dozen times to Porsche. Only to end up with a 150 mph Mercedes that looked nearly identical to your neighbor's more pedestrian 300e. Makes perfect sense to me, but then I didn't shell out the extra $30k or whatever it cost over the more sober 300 series. Though Mercedes still builds blindingly quick sedans, the days are over when they didn't advertise it. For what it costs to maintain a vanilla Mercedes, I suspect total cost of ownership would be about equal between a 500e and a brand new Porsche Carrera.
Number 3
GMC Syclone Pickup Truck

Ah yes. The Euro look of automobiles circa early 90s. Body color plastic skirts and airdams were added to every grocery getter in Detroit but the Syclone actually had the performance to back it up. A turbo charged Vortec V-6 with AWD made for some very impressive quarter mile times in the mid-13's. I dream of finding a totaled, insurance auction Syclone that was hit from behind. Chisel off the go-fast body molding, replace the wrecked bed with a stakebed, dust the whole thing with a can of Krylon primer, fill the back with lawnmowers and weedeaters, Hoopty Lawn Care on the doors and start trolling the San Fernando Valley for Boxsters.
Number 4
Buick Grand National

No matter how you slice it, the Grand National looks like a Buick Regal. "But I have seen Grand Nationals that are absolutely SICK!" Yeah, me too. I have seen amazing Vegas and Pintos too. But it still looks like a Regal. Another prime candidate for badge removal.
Number 5
Mercedes 300 SEL 6.3

The herringbone interior is really such a quintessentially German thing to do. The interior looks like Howard Cosell's sportjacket at an insurance convention. To this day, one of the scariest rides of my life was in my good friend Chad's 6.3 as he was trying to point out all the performance aspects of the self leveling suspension. I swear we were on two wheels on the freeway exit ramp. Annual maintenance on these cars is something akin to the GDP of Antigua.

Consideration of the Hippiemobile

2006-03-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

Takes an awful lot for me to add a blog to my reading list and The Athanasius Kircher Society has met my lofty standards. Certainly, a collective sigh of relief is washing over them. A swell website and there is no lack of slack-jaw wonder.

Worth noting is the recent link that provides a glimpse into the world of housetruck construction, cut-off shorts, long beards, noble dogs, lack of power tools and a seemingly endless stream of fellow long bearded housetruck friends.

The construction log is pretty compelling and despite no mention of restroom facilities, it almost succeeds in convincing you to give up your cable modem in favor of Foxfire.

Attention Hot Rodders! Why, that fellow is Z'ing the frame of his housetruck! Off and running to a pretty good start despite the lack of a dog welding hood. It really is worth reading about little stuff like how he hung the propane tank with turnbuckles and locknuts. Perhaps that will be the name of my garage band, Turnbuckle Locknut.

Sure, I realize, hippie hippie. How could you build something like this and not be a hippie? It is a fair question, but it is hard to deny the appeal of these modern gypsy wagons. Although their optimism and belief in the American Dream evaporated, even John Steinbeck and his blue poodle were powerless against the merits of a house on wheels.

Shirtless Fiberglass - another itchy garage band name

Being a vulgarian, I am less subtle. I prefer the rough and tumble of the custom van rather than the Hansel and Gretel gingerbread housetrucks. They are like a Hostess product, probably tastes pretty good but you can't do it on principal. Perhaps, I thought, in my golden years I would be able to craft a housetruck with a brass porthole, rope ladders and barometer. Then I read the following and realized I am not cut out for it.

My work bench was situated in the the center of my house. This is where I spent a lot of time making my wire jewelry. It was the source of the income I would need to be self-sufficient and fully mobile. Most of my jewelry was sold at art fairs that I traveled to.

These are vehicles built for nice people and I would hate to give anyone the wrong impression. Lead me to your bastardmobiles!

Pulse Dial

2006-02-27T18:42:00.000-08:00

Everybody is asking, what is going on at Hooptyrides, Inc.? Quite a bit, but floor mopping and paint scraping don't really seem like they are worth blogging. God knows, they have been blogged, but I don't know that they should be.

As opposed to these phones! Sure, they are pulse and the property of the Bell System, but has there ever been a better looking phone? As far as I am concerned, there has never been a more handsome, more comfortable or better sounding phone than the classic Henry Dreyfuss 500. And that red, dial-less phone looks like it is fresh from the lobby of The Plaza.

But it is even better! The CONFIDENCER! Hold close to mouth, indeed. May as well say, WHISPER. This is not just an aftermarket replacement cap; the CONFIDENCER is a complete new mic.

Roanwell Confidencer Noise Cancelling Transmitter starting at $1.99 on ebay

What am I going to do with these phones? Use 'em at Hooptyrides! I will still have a modern cordless, as I am so fond of endless touchtone-triggered customer service menus, but I will turn off the ringer on all modern phones. Telephone calls will be an event! Somebody is calling Hooptyrides! Maybe it is long distance! Perhaps the caller is a deep pocketed sucker! Let the bells ring!

Multi-Mercedes!

2006-02-23T07:00:00.000-08:00

Responding to my query, eagle eye Coop reported that he had seen Dick Rude driving the Flea Multi-Mercedes. Sure enough, I dropped Mr. Rude an email and he responded with these photos.

"A few years back the car starred in an Abercrombie & Fitch advertising shot by Bruce Weber! Mostly it serves as a source of great joy to kids, an object of insult to others and a focal point for a lot of stupid questions. For me, it is just a reliable car that gets me around." - Dick Rude

Talk about your punk rock provenance! There is no single color on this car that is acceptable except maybe the hood, which looks like a bright, new blade of grass. Somehow, in concert, all the colors look pretty damned good in that gumball machine sort of way. Dick reports that the clear coat is dissolving as we speak, but it looks like a very professional paint job. No brightwork was painted that shouldn't have been, the door trim was lovingly masked, and even the trim pieces under the headlights are a different color. Cool!
Hooptyrider Jason points us to the BMW sponsored art project. The above photo is a BMW by Calder but my favorite is by Stella. BMW must feel like they got their money's worth from Sandro Chia but the Holzer probably left them hesitant to open the checkbook again.

Fantastic!

2006-02-22T15:18:00.000-08:00

My friend Damon sent this eBay link for an extremely compelling mobile Mercury outboard motor collection. Seems absolutely sensible to me.
"To date I know of only 2 other traveling Mercury collections as extensive as this unit and neither one is based here in the east."
See? This is not the work of a crackpot. There are at least two other Western individuals who have extensive traveling collections. I am a piss poor collector. My scope is maddeningly broad and unrefined. Not a scholar nor a completist, sometimes I come across cigar boxes full of stuff I forgot I even collected. Advertising thermometers? Cigarette lighters? Embroidered patches?

I don't even have a boat, much less a need for an outboard motor, but they sure are pretty.

Childhood in a Jar

2006-02-20T09:19:00.000-08:00

Recently, I purchased this garage sale copy stand to further my Make Magazine activities. In the pre-copy stand days, I was endlessly stumbling over my tripod, never able to extend deep enough over the table, fighting with uneven lighting, never getting a square overhead shot and always on the damn pins and the damn needles about knocking over the whole shooting match. A week prior to purchasing this copy stand, I passed on a different model for which the owners were asking the princely sum of $50. Apparently they had never heard about the flatbed scanner revolution. Luckily, the very next weekend, this example was purchased from sober and technologically aware sellers for a much more reasonable $10. They knew they had a turd and more importantly, they knew they had a sucker.

So, I completed all Make column reference photos with the aid of my copy stand and it was a smashing home run. Then it dawned on me that I should use it to catalog the world's most important museum to be contained in a Skippy peanut butter jar. My Cabinet of Curiousites is split into broad catagories like Natural Splendor, Math and Science and Youth and Folly. My most compact museum of one child's great treasures fits in a single peanut butter jar and resides in the Youth and Folly wing.

Looks like it is floating in space, doesn't it? When was the last time you bought something that was guaranteed to be perfect? Nevermind the peanut butter, this jar is perfect.

Don't worry about that cut on my finger - it is healing just fine.

This exquisite jar is the Navarro toolbox of blue sky dreaming. It is skinned knees and tiddlywinks from the post-war era of unlimited potential and knowing superiority. This jar houses the collected treasures of Mr. Frankie Bartoli of Chicago, Illinois and was sold to me by his family for $1. I bought it because the Smithsonian had not stopped at the garage sale prior to my arrival. But, like the Smithsonian would have, I took a photo of every single item inside.
No individual item is handmade or fine. The jar is filled with a bunch of dimestore crap but, as any curator will tell you, the sum of the parts is more important than the individual you-know-what. Commonplace five-n-dime, but every so often I needed to take the camera from the copy stand and get some perspective. The shoe is familiar to anybody who has ever played a board game in their entire life, but look at that elegant coupe in the background. Some of us spend lots of time thinking about the reference that went into little toys like this. French Deco. Definitely French.

The copy stand is really great. Perhaps I should do a Make article on building one, because the results are pretty stunning. Of course, building one would be twice the cost of finding one at a garage sale. With the matched lights on each side, the light is really flat on the high surfaces and I am crazy about the shadows going in both directions. As far as the object itself, what can I say? You see it.

Garage sales deliver in more ways than can be enumerated. Perhaps one day I will pen a little book of sonnets on what garage sales can mean. Worse sonnets have probably been written. When you garage sale, you see things that you forgot. Mundane objects that you had forgotten about transport you back to experiences that you had forgotten. Corning Ware coffee pots and brass fireplace andirons all remind you.

Everyday the Wall Street Journal arrives in a rubber band and during weeks when I get few issues read, I joke that my WSJ subscription is nothing but an extremely expensive daily rubber band delivery service. But when you find a rubber band in your jar of treasures, you realize that you had forgotten how satisfying a big meaty rubber band can be.
When you are a kid, currency is very elastic. Money is certainly understood, coveted, and quickly spent, but the more immediate kid currency is anything that can be used and enjoyed at once, like caps, bubble gum, water balloons, BBs and bicycle inner tubes.
Of all the deluxe items found inside the most wonderful jar, my very favorite is this well used eraser. I use pencils daily and make do with the eraser that is on the pencil end. When I saw this eraser, I realized how little I really use pencils in comparison to when I was 10. That was a pencil and eraser intensive period.

Every object photographed at my Flickr set Compact Childhood Museum. None of the objects from the museum are for sale, though I would donate the entire collection to the Smithsonian or trade for a Hispano-Suiza.

Gomco!

2006-02-17T19:16:00.000-08:00

Kind Hooptyreader Jim pointed out that I don't have a Gumco, I have a Gomco. Jim couldn't be more right. If you search for Gomco and go to your local Suction Unit and Aspirators Shop, you can buy a machine remarkably similar to mine for a paltry $2350. Of course, mine is an artful piece of medical history from a time when great design and manufacture were the rule, but at least you won't have to do without. Or, I will trade mine for custom bodied pre-war fine American and European automobiles.

Super Discount Monkeemobile!

2006-02-16T08:10:00.000-08:00

Upon seeing the wild homemade dune buggies, Hooptyrider Vince sent in pictures of this superb Oldsmobile V-8 powered beach buggy. What it is lacking in refinement it certainly makes up for in passion. I imagine women were powerless over the appeal of these cool kats in this hopped up jalopy. Please note the giant engine, oogah horn, hood ornament and, if I am not mistaken, what appears to be a battery that is damn near bumper mounted. Would these fellas have had any more fun if it was shiny, red and purchased brand new?

Though it is difficult to make out, that is indeed a beer keg gas tank on the roof. From The Department of Simpler Times or perhaps from The Department of More Lax DMV Regulations, you will note that this custom coachwork dune buggy has license plates! Don't tell Boyd Coddington.

I would have named it Junkyard Dog.

Harlequin Rubiks!

2006-02-08T11:23:00.000-08:00

Who didn't love the Harlequin Golf when it came out? It was like the Swatch watch of automobiles. Each Harlequin was a random assemblage of colors to create a goofball color combination that was unlike any of the few other super rare Harlequins. Under 500 made, this was a car developed by Volkswagen when they are at the absolute peak of their game. I still think Rabbits and 16v Sciroccos look menacing with all the sharp edges. And those 70s sharp edges were certainly prescient of the look to come. Flea, of the Chili Peppers, had a Mercedes 500 SEL that was painted very much like a Harlequin Golf and every once in awhile I still see it driving around LA although it is owned by somebody else now. Anybody have a photo of the Flea Mercedes?

I have been spending lots of time investigating vehicle wrapping as I am working on an article for a special Make magazine issue. Not surprisingly, it is a complicated endeavor to wrap flat sheets around compound curves with a heat gun. I found this superb Rubik Scion on the Ambient Graphics site. Appears to be a 6x3 'cube', so there is some poetic license taken but, what the hey, it's not like you are going to solve an xB. Coop told me the xB is due for a redesign which is a real shame because everytime I see an xB I still smile. These were designed by people who played with Legos for people who played with Legos.

Any Hooptyriders work/own a large format printing and vehicle wrap shop in Los Angeles? Want a co-writing credit for a super cool Make article? Email me pronto fast.

Homemade Dune Buggies!

2006-01-21T18:15:00.000-08:00

Coop sent this fantastic link to a homemade dune buggy site that literally gives a feeling of something akin to motion sickness. Queasy. Everything I have ever done in my life looks absolutely sane in comparison to this whacked out delight of a hobby. Sometimes you get in something so deep that you don't realize it is completely insane. God bless em!
8-Ball! My goodness. My heart goes pitty-pat. If I built this exquisite vehicle, I would be so proud I would sleep in the garage with my arms around it. So what, you say? Big deal? Sure, lots of cars of higher craftsmanship, more accomplished engineering and refined aesthetics have been built since 8-Ball, but this is important in the context of time. People were not building dune buggies with over-filled bias ply white wall tires to tear around the sand dunes. What a little character! Reminds me of an ornery Scottish Terrier.
Looks like paradise! I could eat 100 hot dogs sitting there amidst a gaggle of home built dune buggies.

Gumco Ether Machine!

2006-01-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

Powerless. I am powerless. This stuff just finds me. I could say that I put up a fight to keep from bringing this junk back to Hooptyrides, Inc. but I would be lying. Some real Grade A finds. An old Chevrolet Deluxe heater, a Grote Heavy Duty turn signal control from a time before turn signals were standard equipment, a Moon spun aluminum gas tank complete with stinky old lacquered gas, a Danish Modern dining room table marked "Made in Denmark Imported by Eaarsgard Los Angeles", and an ether machine. Want to buy that dining table? Good! Because I want to sell it to you!

As far as ether dispensers go, this particular unit was in pretty rough condition. Three castered and lopsided, terrifically dirty and full of spiders, it was like any other daunting starting point. All potential. For the above photo I had stripped off everything I could and got to work with the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. (It seems Mark and I are about to start a Magic Eraser Admiration Society.)
Lots of effort, Pine-Sol, Comet, Feed-N-Wax, Armor-All, chrome polish and 0000 steel wool went into this project and it turned out pretty amazing. Sure will make a nice end table! I will put a lamp in that well on the right and pencils and magnifying glass in that little drawer so I can continue showing the New York Times Crossword who's boss!

Perhaps a home for a goldfish? A Siamese fighting beta! Absolutely nickel plated beautiful.
Does it work? Sure! Well, I mean, within a very wide definition of what it means to work, hell yes it works! After plugging it in and getting it to power up after some fiddling, I replaced enough hoses to get pressure up to the ether jar. Note the gauge! Now, would I allow somebody to administer ether with this device? Of course not. But it does appear to do what it is supposed to. Besides, who else has a combo ether tank/side table/beta tank/vacuum pump?

Hooptyrides, Inc. is plumbed for compressed air but should it be plumbed for vacuum?

Jose Luis Junior Gets PSP!

2006-01-21T16:57:00.000-08:00

Less than a day after posting about Jose Luis Junior's insane, rabid desire for a PSP, the kind Hooptyreaders responded by opening their wallets to the tune of one PSP! When I went to present Junior's PSP, he was reading the previously mentioned Grand Theft Auto strategy guide with an equally morally bankrupt buddy.

Accusations were made that I was running some sort of scam and it was even suggested that Junior was a scammer by starting his own blog rather than mowing lawns. Before Junior got his PSP, he didn't even know what a blog is. I am still not certain he understands blogging, but he sure liked seeing his hand drawn PSPs on a French gaming blog as seen in the above photograph. The cool dudes at idlethumbs pointed out that Junior has designed the most extreme game ever.

Honestly, I wasn't sure if Jose Luis would survive the excitement of getting the PSP. I really thought it was possible that he would just have some sort of freak-out fit, but he was cool. Before presenting the PSP, I spent a few minutes flipping through all the video game sites at a pace slow enough for him to see his PSP drawings but quick enough not to let him read that there was fund raising afoot. I explained that people all over the world dug his artwork so much, and were so blown away not only by the accurate renditions but also by his unbridled capitalism, that they each sent in a few bucks so that he could have a PSP. He was stunned. And thrilled.

When Junior was unwrapping the PSP he said, "Where do the batteries go?" and then caught himself - he knew! He had drawn the battery door about fifty times! I explained to Raquel (his mom, on the right) the videogame rating system and that Grand Theft Auto is the videogame equivalent of a kill-murder-hooker movie.

Some people got it and some didn't. Apparently, being poor and uncommonly creative is not enough to merit reward. For those concerned that I got away with some sort of scam I assure you, I will never spearhead another collection unless I make friends with a third world kid with a fatal disease that wants a Nintendo DS.

Big thanks to all who donated! Big thanks to the kind videogame company employee who sent 8 games! Did I donate? Sort of. I covered the sales tax, the Paypal fees, and bought Junior PoPoLoCrois.

Complete New Yorker in New York Times! Mister Jalopy Quoted!

2006-01-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

Though Ed Klaris wouldn't answer my questions about the Complete New Yorker, he did answer Sara Ivry in the New York Times!

According to Ed Klaris, General Counsel and Project Director for The Complete New Yorker, the inclusion of the spyware paragraph was "inadvertent", they "had no intention of accessing that information" and that language will not be in future editions. Hooray! But how do you inadvertently write an entire paragraph? And inadvertantly include it in the end user license agreement? And if the project director is also general counsel, how does that just slip through?

Mr. Klaris sticks to his guns that 500 issues per DVD is adequate and shrugs off the desire to load to a hard drive. The article does not discuss the Macrovision copy protection that restricts making an archival copy even though it is allowed by the end user license agreement.

From the New York Times article:

"The people who are complaining are the exception to the rule," Mr. Klaris said, noting that the bloggers weighing in on the topic tend to be supporters of open-source technologies.

He must be talking about Cory (of boingboing) as I don't think Hooptyrides has mentioned open-source in our blogging life. I suppose Klaris is right in that it is a minority of open-source types who are complaining about privacy, digital rights management, inability to use software legally due to protections, etc. That minority of crackpot geeks happens to be the individuals who understand the technology and the risks of implementing fiendish restrictions. Without the cranky open-source supporters, the media companies and their pocketed politicians would be running wild by building systems and laws that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. Hurray for open-source crackpot geeks! Donate to EFF! I did!

Link to New York Times, January 16, Business Section (requires registration)

Is the Complete New Yorker Spyware?

2006-01-11T13:14:00.000-08:00

From The Complete New Yorker End User License Agreement:

7. Collection of Viewing Information. You acknowledge that you are aware of and consent to the collection of your viewing information during your use of the Software and/or Content. Viewing information may include, without limitation, the time spent viewing specific pages, the order in which pages are viewed, the time of day pages are accessed, IP address and user ID. This viewing information may be linked to personally identifiable information, such as name or address and shared with third parties.

When you buy a piece of software or CD or digital music file, you are entering into an agreement to abide by the laws of a banana republic. Existing law is set aside as you agree to a whole host of other laws by clicking the 'YES' button. Perhaps the dictator is benevolent and the laws are not onerous but, maybe the laws are insidious.

In the case of the Complete New Yorker, you give up your privacy. Perhaps the New Yorker will sell your name to Starbucks if your reading profile suggests an epicure. Or, if you are interested in reading about automobiles, perhaps Buick will soon be pitching you the Lucerne - a Buick for sophisticates. But what if your spying dictator is not benevolent? Who do they sell the Islam reading list to?

Frankly, I don't know what you are agreeing to when you click 'YES' on the license agreement. What are the consequences if you don't comply with the rules? What are the damages? Are you liable for criminal prosecution? If I have a license agreement for Hooptyrides that requires my entertaining internet presence only be read while sitting on the toilet, do I have recourse if the kind reader chooses to read from their cubicle?

Question 1: What if you choose not to have your privacy compromised? What if you do not want to become part of a secondary revenue stream of selling data to third parties? Can you opt out? Doesn't appear so.

Question 2: What if you want to make a back-up copy of the Complete New Yorker? The license agreement says you can:

2. Prohibitions… You may not copy, transfer, sell, loan or lease Software and/or Content, except: (a) to make a single copy solely for back-up or archive purposes…

But if it is guarded with Macrovision copy protection, how can you?

Question 3: Making a copy requires that you use a special, Macrovision-stripping DVD ripper made for copying movies. Does that mean you have violated the end user license agreement?

2. Prohibitions... You agree not to modify, translate, disassemble, decompile, reverse engineer, create deriative works of, convert to a different format such as pdf or make any other attempt by any means to discover or obtain the source code for the Software and/or Content...

An archival back-up would be modified and converted to have the Macrovision removed. Is there any way to make a back-up that is in compliance with the end user license agreement?

Question 4: Can you copy the Complete New Yorker to your hard drive, eliminate the endless disk swapping, protect your original DVDs and enjoy unprecedented speed? Ed Klaris, general counsel and project director for the Complete New Yorker, said that no you can't. Not for legal reasons, he said, but the New Yorker decided it was adequate to be able to read a single disc at a time. Reading issues chronologically is super-practical and is a completely reasonable way to read through a DVD but if you want to read by topic across the whole collection, it is totally preposterous. Search for Chinatown, goblin, Philip Johnson or Stanley Kubrick and you will drive yourself insane with swapping. It's like having a Mac Plus.

If Ed says it is not for legal reasons, I guess you can load it on a hard drive. It seems to conflict with paragraph 2 of the Prohibitions section "...agree not to modify, translate..." but Ed is the dictator.

How do you load it on a hard drive? Two ways.

Create disk images - ISOlator (Mac) and Alcohol 120 (PC) both seem to create DVD images that work correctly while avoiding the Macrovision errors. To use the images, you need to virtually 'mount' the images using Toast (Mac) or Alcohol 120 (PC). When it asks for the appropriate disk, you mount the disk image that is required. I have not tried this, but several Hooptyreaders report good results.

Copy Issues to Local Hard Drive Issues Folder - This is a more elegant solution. Oddly, although the Complete New Yorker is locked up in twenty different ways, it relies on a public domain database called SQLite. There is an Issues table in the database that has the complete list of every issue along with corresponding DVD number. Each issue is assigned a number 1 through 8 plus 9 for the harddrive. If you copy every djvu issue file to the local issues directory and change the issues table so that every issue points to the local hard drive (9), then you can scream through the issues. It is fast like the blazes. So elegant and beautiful. I downloaded a shareware SQL database manager off CNet to make the changes, but individuals smarter than I could do it with the free command line SQLite.

THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. IT IS VERY EASY TO SCREW IT UP SO IT WILL NEVER WORK AGAIN.

Could the Complete New Yorker have included an install everything to local hard drive option? I don't see why not. And, I would bet, that the New Yorker staff and developers are using it from local drives.

(Thanks to all the people that helped and especially to Robert as I would not have been able to copy the Complete New Yorker to the hard drive without his assistance.)

Question 4: What if you want clarification about any of these issues? Their license agreement states you get no support and a call to the New Yorker confirms this. They do not discuss legal issues.

5. No Support. TNY, its retailers, distributors and TNY Parties shall have no obligation under this Agreement to provide support or other services relating to the Software and/or Content.

Question 5: Is the Complete New Yorker spyware? I don't know. Paragraph 7 clearly states that they have the right to spy, but I am not sure if they are actually doing it. I don't understand enough about the technology to determine if a trickle or a flood of data is going back to the New Yorker. Does it leave your computer vulnerable like the infamous rootkit? I don't know.

Question 6: Is the New Yorker in violation of copyright law? There has been a lot written about the New Yorker's position that they are not repurposing the content in a different format. Their position is that a complete page scan on a DVD is exactly the same as the same page in a magazine and is therefore within their rights to recreate without new clearances or additional compensation. But, is it really the same? If the magazine image is exactly the same but is included as bait in a data mining application to collect user information to sell to third parties, is it really the same as a magazine? I don't know.

Question 7: What if it is all too much? What if the lack of support, legal ambiguity, spyware, Macrovision and everything else is just too much? Can you return it? Doesn't seem like it, but I can't find retailer language as to your options if you do not agree to an end user license.

From The Complete New Yorker End License Agreement:
IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO ALL OF THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT, DO NOT INSTALL THE SOFTWARE OR CLICK THE “NO” BUTTON. YOU MAY PROMPTLY RETURN THIS PRODUCT TO THE RETAILER YOU BOUGHT IT FROM AND THE RETURN POLICY OF THE RETAILER WILL APPLY.

From the Amazon return policy:

Partial Refunds will be issued for the following items:

Any CD, DVD, VHS tape, software, video game, cassette tape, or vinyl record that has been opened/taken out of its plastic wrap. (If you discover that the item is defective after the package is opened, a full refund or replacement will still be granted.)

From the Best Buy return policy:

Exceptions:
Opened computer software, movies, music and video games
(To get credit for these items, they must be unopened. If the original is damaged or defective, please see details below).

So why the big deal? Because I was so excited about The Complete New Yorker coming out. I love the New Yorker. It is absolutely my favorite magazine. This morning I read an article about butterflies, mosquitos and global warming - a scientific tale artfully told with all the drama of a novel. The New Yorker at its best. When I learned the Complete New Yorker was coming out, I was so thrilled at the prospect of reading the John Seabrook personal history of Seabrook Farms. I remember it from ten years ago as being as good as social history ever is. I didn't get to reading it and I am sending my Complete New Yorker back to Ed Klaris. I got it on the hard drive - which is what I was trying to do - but I can't live with the spyware aspect. It is insulting. I'm done.

As my friend Hudson said upon reading my travails, 'They took something from you.'

UPDATE: Smarter than I, Gustaf posted a detailed How-To on installing all the issues to your harddrive. Thanks, Gustaf!

Hooptyrides Corporate Art Collection (aka Gimme)

2006-01-10T13:33:00.000-08:00

My friend Jose Luis Junior, age 9, wants a PSP so palpably it reminds me of my intense desire at the same age for an Atari 2600. Though he doesn’t have the games he dreams of, he reads game strategy guides like they were novels. In great detail, he explains the Grand Theft Auto cultural minutia at a level that I can’t follow. And I have played a lot of Grand Theft Auto, though Junior has not jacked a single car.

When I finally got my 2600 I would play Combat endlessly, kicking the enemy tank all over the maze which, admittedly, was not very difficult as I was the only opponent. I would only take breaks to pore over the Atari game catalog and try to figure out if Indy 500 was really worth the extra money due to the included steering controllers. Perhaps I should just get Street Racer or Night Racer…

Junior’s obsession far eclipses mine. He has a folder full of stock photos that he has clipped from Target and Toys R Us flyers. He has clipped photos of the PSP backside so that he has source material to correctly render the battery door. You see, Junior draws PSPs to scale, cuts them out and sells them to his friends! For a quarter! I bought two, 50 cents plus a 50 cent tip. Naturally, all he wanted for Christmas was a PSP but it didn’t happen due to finances.

So, I am taking up a collection to buy Junior a PSP. Just send Paypal money to MONEY RAISED - THANKS ANYWAY! As soon as the PSP purchase price has been met, I will shut down the Paypal account. If there are a few bucks extra, Junior and I will spend it on candy and soda pop. In addition to Junior’s gratitude, the most generous donor will receive a photo of Junior with PSP in his grubby mitt. Additionally, I will send you one of Junior’s original PSP artworks from the Hooptyrides Corporate Art Collection. Then you will have a paper PSP, just like me and eight of Junior's schoolmates. I keep mine with me and kids are literally horrified when I sit down next to them in a waiting room and they look over from their real PSP to see me playing my paper PSP.

Think of me as Sally Struthers and the PSP as a bowl of rice.

UPDATE: The money has been raised! Thank you internets! Thank you boingboing! Thank you kind games company employee who offered to send games! And, most especially, thank you kind souls who emptied your pockets for Junior! Will post updated pictures when transaction complete!

Desk for sale! Plus, one more desk! Two desks!

2006-01-10T13:03:00.000-08:00

As space is cleared at Hooptyrides, Incorporated, there will inevitably be some things that need to go. I want to keep all of the flavor of the old shop, while making it mine. With the quantity of top notch junk that I have, space needs to be made. Making the cut was a hundred junk distributors, but the desk is just not needed.

In the style of ebay hyperbole, please consider this exquisitely ordinary MID-CENTURY desk with matching return. The clean lines, square design, austerity, sharp edges of this desk will assure that snooty, but none too smart, guests may confuse it with the work of Charles (or Ray) Eames, George (or Howard, if it were a clock and not a desk) Nelson, Isamu Noguchi, RM Schindler, Frank Lloyd Wright, Ludwig Mies van der Rohe or any of the other oft-too-often-mentioned modernists of the MID-CENTURY. Relax… your friends deserve no better than a little chicanery! If it were not for the bold work of such modernists, would a desk of this plainness even be possible? Absolutely not! If it were not for the minimalist work of Phillip Johnson, would this desk have been acceptable even in a dowdy office? No, no no! It was the complete lack of ornament of MID-CENTURY that made desks like this commonplace, if not desirable. Makes me want a Campari and soda!

This desk is very well constructed. Very heavy. With return, for your IBM SELECTRIC typewriter, adding machine and a small desk lamp. Perhaps, if you are choosy, you could find the space for a copy stand. Some would damn this desk for it’s structural integrity as it nearly assures that this completely ordinary and unremarkable example of wood grain Formica will last longer than could possibly be desired. And, as this very mundane desk does not appear in any compendium of modern design, you can lie as to the maker and MID-CENTURY provenance without any of that annoying concern of being caught.

If it were not for the rigid aesthetics of the MID-CENTURY, a desk like this might have a carved wood squirrel. Or lions paw feet. A leather inset top with gilt edge. Perhaps an acorn motif with maple leaves. It might have been a light colored, soft wood, with a richer, darker colored stain that is reminiscent of a more luxurious (and expensive) hard wood, which would be sure to disappoint when an errant chip reveals the truth… With this completely ordinary desk, there are no such assumptions as only a hayseed yokel chump would believe that the dark Formica was anything but a plastic veneer covering common particle board. Chips, already in place, leave nothing to the imagination, as it is what it is. Now, what is more MID-CENTURY, Ikea that fools the buyer with wood-like veneers so close to actual wood that it may even impress your mother in law, or something so obviously synthetic that even 4 year olds know it is a piece of shit? Isn’t the later more honest and, therefore, more modern and, therefore, more MID-CENTURY? This completely unassuming and pedestrian desk is MORE MID-CENTURY than Ikea! Put that in Charles Eames’ pipe and smoke it!

Design within reach? Pshaw! This very plain desk is design within pocket! It is practically design within mouth. Not much to recommend it, but this desk can be yours for no more than $30. And is that a second desk? A mate? A matched set? It sure is! Generally, a bookend collection like this would command more money, but we are offering both for less! $50 for the pair! Loading assistance is available but delivery is not. Conveniently located in the Silverlake area of Los Angeles, we urge you buy these desks immediately!

Charles Eames was designing into the 1970's. This desk was constructed in the 1960's. I was born in 1967. This desk is as MID-CENTURY as my ass!

Potential Incarnate! Speed Shops!

2006-01-05T13:46:00.000-08:00

A kind Hooptyreader (and the caretaker of a great auto project blog - http://gastiresoil.blogsome.com/) sent me a superb shop-warming present! The 1966 Speed and Custom Equipment Directory! Absolutely period correct for Hooptyrides, Inc! This will be my new indispensible atlas! If I find myself in Brookfield, Wisconsin, I will be on the lookout for Schlieper's Speed on Barker Road. Evansville, Indiana? You will find me at 1324 Hwy 41, sniffing around for Moon's Custom Auto. One day, I will find the magneto intake manifold paradise in the form of an old cobwebby speedshop with new Hilborn, Stewart Warner and Sun boxes on the shelves... Perhaps, Pee Gee Speed in Brooklyn...

As the proud owner of a seriously dingy hot rod shop, I can understand the starry eyed view of your shop looking like Camelot. Despite the modest demeanor of the Triangle Speed Shop, I know that outward appearance does not tell the tale of the magic going on inside.

And it must have been a mighty proud day for Ed 'The Camfather" Iskenderian when he opened his city block, four building, 50,000 square foot headquarters.

Impko is perhaps the most appropriate name ever given to a consumer products company. It sounds like what it is - decals for bratty kids. A year or so ago, I called the Hackensack Chamber of Commerce to see if there were any old timers that knew what became of the Impko company, founders, family or, especially, old stock. I pictured attics full of ghoulish frankenstein and Roth decals, but it didn't pan out.

Hooptyrides, Inc.

2005-12-27T22:33:00.000-08:00

Machine Shop - Hooptyrides, Inc.

Everybody is asking, what is the big secret project? Why no updating to Hooptyrides? What could be so complex and exhausting as to command all available attention? A shop!

Old hot rods and speed equipment are too expensive. Admittedly, I am a cheap and easy hustler, but by any measure, Ardun heads and 32 Fords are expensive. But, it makes sense. Hot rodding was not a SEMA megabusiness and enough speed equipment was never cast. And, increasing speed is advancing technology. Old technology was thrown away just as it is now. And the demand is huge because we all want it. And it is worth it, at some level. Hot rodding's place in history is cemented and the best old stuff is damned near blue chip. Hot rodding is too great, too striking, too fantastic to not be a classic and the stuff of provenence is destined for museums. But I still don't buy much. It is just too expensive. A Mercedes SSK is pretty expensive. Bugattis. Pre-war custom bodied American coupes are pricey.

But it ain't like buying a hot rod shop! That is value! That is stupid! An absolutely sensible decision! Sober and calculated! Not like a $500 gauge or a $1000 manifold, this is folly on a grand scale!

Located in Los Angeles, I bought a shop that I have been watching for 10 years. Over many a breakfast, I told Coop that all I needed was that dusty shop. One day he called and said there was a sign out front. The purchase, naturally, was byzantine. The owner had been operating a performance auto shop for over 40 years and closing that sort of chapter adds a dimension of complexity to the most simple deals. But, that is over, all parties are happy and it is mine. The Sun distributor machine, the Clayton Dyno, plumbed for air, the Hein Werner jacks, the two hydraulic lifts, the drill press, the band saw, the vises, the grinders, the TIG welder, the welding tanks, the trash can of fan belts, the Sun tune-up machine and a barrel of distributors. It already feels like home. Wait til I spend 1000 hours there.

1964 Chevelle Wagon - Hooptyrides, Inc

So, what happens next? Everything. Just everything.

Investment Rolls Royce? Please reconsider!

2005-12-21T17:30:00.000-08:00

In today's Wall Street Journal, there was a great letter to the auto editor asking for the worst case scenario if buying a mid-80s Rolls-Royce.

Q: I have observed during the past year that one can purchase a used Rolls-Royce with relatively low mileage for a low price on eBay. Today's offerings are a good example. Three different sellers are offering mid-1980s Silver Spurs with around 35,000 miles at about $28,000. I'm thinking that this may be a good investment. If I bought this to tool around town (it would be a third car for my wife and I) and use about 400 miles a month, how much of a financial problem would maintenance cost be? I don't want to lay out $5000 every three years. Any reason why I couldn't own this for ten or fifteen years and not incur any really big problems?

A: Please reconsider!

Jonathan Walsh goes on to explain, in a restrained tone befitting the WSJ, as to why this would not be a good investment. If it were in any other publication, the writer would have responded with "Bwahahhahaha! Are you fucking high?! Investment?! $5000 every three years? Try $5000 every time you go to the mechanic!"

I have never owned a Rolls-Royce, but I have owned enough Mercedes' to know that the initial purchase price is but a rounding error in the total cost of ownership. Not that I haven't been tempted, as the photo above is of June Carter Cash's Rolls-Royce that was sold at the big (and relentlessly depressing for some of us) Sotheby's Cash auction. Though you will need to register to view the auction results, the Cash Rolls does not seem to have sold. Perhaps it is still parked under a shade tree at the House of Cash.

$8,500 Stump! 1936 Ford at No Extra Charge!

2005-12-21T08:32:00.000-08:00

This 1936 Ford truck is a little pricey at $8,500 but it sure is cool. I dream of finding barn cars like this, though in my pea brain I generally don't envision a mature tree stuck to the engine.

Now that I have closed that awfully ugly Complete New Yorker chapter (1,2,3,4), I am back to considering bad ideas with full faculties of thought! What would it take to drive this truck? Not cross country, but what would it take to drive it to the corner tavern?

My approach:

- Carve wood 'bowls' around the pulleys, crank, etc
- Carve access to the engine block water inlet/outlets
- Run radiator hoses to the truck bed
- Leave original radiator in place, but not working
- Install new radiator and distributor in truck bed
- Ignore generator as we aren't going far
- Carve a tunnel for the carb and distributor - like peeking inside a sugar easter egg at the bunny inside!
- Bore holes for spark plug access - like a Hemi!

Ignoring the fact that the engine is probably seized steadfast, think it would run and drive? This is the sort of thing I would buy immediately for $1000.

Protected Digital Assets Inspire Pirates

2005-12-20T16:25:00.000-08:00

To the exclusion of other real work, I have spent an awful lot of time on the New Yorker DVD's - explicitly getting them on to a hard drive to minimize the disk swapping. Lots of Hooptyreaders have offered options and opinions on how to do it and some of them almost work.

As near as I can tell, there is no way to copy the DVD-ROMS on a Macintosh. The best tool for Macrovision protected DVDs seems to be Mac The Ripper, but it does not work with DVD ROMs. This is a common problem with lots of the tools out there, as a DVD ROM does not contain the video files that such applications are looking for, such as VIDEO_TS and the like.

So, I started in on the PC. Much better tools there. Hooptyreader Keith pointed me to Alcohol 120% and may I just say, that is a kick ass piece of software. Mac users would be lucky to have something similar. It handles all the peculiarities of DVD-ROMs without issue, as it is able to just perform an ISO copy of the files, as files. And Macrovision is defeated handily.

But, it still doesn't work. I was able to create images of the DVDs and mount them as accessible drives, but The Complete New Yorker viewer will not mount multiple disks. I believe, even if you had multiple physical drives, you will not be able to mount multiples. New Yorker technical support says that it will always look to the drive that it was installed from, and it may look to the original installation drive first, but I was able to mount an image from a virtual drive G:. You just can't mount two images or physical discs.

So, the copy protection was beaten quite easily - I could sell copies all day long. Maybe in a fake Kate Spade bag. But the protection lives and prevents legal, sensible use.

Ed Klaris is general counsel for the New Yorker and, also, the project director for The Complete New Yorker. So that makes sense. The role of the media company attorney seems to be, lock it. Without due consideration to the impact. So, I read a bit more about The Complete New Yorker and found this radio interview with Mr. Klaris. It is so stunningly offensive that I made a donation to EFF today.

A listener calls in and asks if he can copy the Complete New Yorker to his hard drive! And to think I was the only one crazy enough to desire such rich abundance!

Mr Klaris: "For now, sir, we have just the discs, we're not able to put it on the hard drive and copy them over, it's pretty, it's a lot of data there..."

The listener interjects, that with hard drive capacities having soared, that this is no longer an issue.

Mr. Klaris agrees, hard drives are big. And the listener asks, "Is that a mechanical issue or a legal issue? As to why you haven't done it as a convenience sake..." - At this point, I wanted to pump the listener's hand in appreciation.

Mr. Klaris: "Mechanical or legal... Well, it's definitely not legal. Although, there is no legal requirement for why we did it, no. And mechanical... it was a decision... based on the product we decided to come out with, which was DVD's. We wanted people to have similar experiences, instead of... and the experience we wanted them to have was this one, although I know it can be frustrating to go disc to disc, the way I viewed it is, when you are in a disc you can set your program to look just within that disc and there's 500 issues in there. Oftentimes, you can spend an eternity just on a single disc."

It turns my stomach.

An attorney for the New Yorker determines how we should read the archives. If you wish to read about a single subject, like Chinatown, Rockefeller Center, the advertising industry, Coco Chanel, the Ford Motor Company, forensic science, concubines, railroad travel, Russia or diamond mining, that will stretch over all 8 discs.

I have spent ten hours on this. I looked forward to having the Complete New Yorker on my laptop. Airplanes trips would never be the same. But I have reached the limits of my technical expertise and I have some other big fish to fry. Along the way, I learned a lot about pirating - including how to copy the Complete New Yorker - but I'm stuck.

Complete New Yorker Hobbled by Macrovision

2005-12-09T09:28:00.000-08:00

When I bought the Complete New Yorker, I knew that I wanted to transfer it to a hard drive and bought an external drive a couple days later. And I love having all those old New Yorkers. Previously, I was buying bound copies on eBay and would soon have to buy an off-site warehouse to store my half million pages.

But, you can't copy it to a hard drive. I tried everything (with lots of help from Hooptyreaders! Thanks Bruce! Myke! Dean! Frank! Thomas!) and it really looked like the Toast option was going to work. It correctly mounted the disc image and appeared to have all the necessary attributes, sizes, dates and icons. But, it didn't work because it is copy protected with Macrovision.

I am so profoundly disappointed. The New Yorker is in the business of selling magazines. Certainly, they make a few dollars off the Cartoon Bank and their various editorial compilations, but I would bet, that the overwhelming money comes from ad space. Perhaps I am wrong, but I doubt it. What are they afraid of? The 8 DVD's are going to be on P2P sites? The New Yorker is concerned that people will be downloading 60 GBs to read old Talk of the Town snippets? That high school kids are going to be trading them in the parking lot? They will be sold on street corners along with Harry Potter? Wouldn't this huge black market of Complete New Yorker piracy just create more demand for the magazine and more ad space dollars? It is fitting of a New Yorker cartoon!

I would be downloading all 60GBs, I am that devoted. But I don't have to because The Complete New Yorker is cheap, beautifully packaged and comes with a great highlights book. The scans are good, the software adequate, the extracts are decent so the searching really works, but I do revoke my recommendation that it is worth buying. You buy it, but you don't own it. Conde Nast still owns it. You can't use it in a fair, legal and sensible manner and you don't know that until you own it, as it doesn't have a sticker reading 'This DVD is Fucked.' It is not unreasonable to expect that consumers would choose to archive and eliminate the onerous disc swapping that is caused by being spread over 8 DVDs.

What next? Well, it was a mission, now it is an epic battle. There are lots of DVD copy programs that disable Macrovision, but I have not found one that will create a mountable disk image. Anybody know of one? If I have to, I will buy a DVD writer tommorrow and copy them, then mount the Macrovision-stripped disc images with Toast. Why go to all this trouble? I like to fix broken stuff and I don't like being told that I can't.

And, for any Hooptyreader that wishes to draw an original New Yorker style cartoon making fun of the feared New Yorker black market, I will send you, in recognition, a Super Mega Heavy Metal Robot that walks, spins, flashes LEDs and SPEAKS SPANISH!

Help! Is the New Yorker copy protected? Or just lame?

2005-12-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

There are a million reasons to put the Complete New Yorker onto a harddrive - speed, limit disk swapping, protect original disks and, more than anything, the ability to have the entire New Yorker run on your airplane tray table, in bed, in the backyard or to read when you are stuck at a drive through window. It is just not practical to be swapping the disks if you are jumping out of an airplane or drag racing.

A friendly Hooptyreader (Thanks Thomas!) suggested making disk images and mounting them on the desktop. A brilliant idea. It seemed like I was almost there. But it didn't work.
Ya see, the New Yorker application did not recognize the mounted disk. It seems it is only interested in removable media.
Same problem. Despite the glory of the New Yorker contents, this is a screen you get pretty tired of looking at. And this screen popped up even with the disk image mounted, named correctly, etc.

My main man Dean (Hi Dean!) suggested that I create a Linux virtual server. If I was feeling Linuxy. Well, not that I have anything against Linux, I think it is swell. For other people. I get why it is great - totally. I just can barely operate my Mac with the Mac OS. And I have been using Macs for, gasp, 20 years.

The Complete New Yorker

2005-12-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

My feelings for the New Yorker are completely unambiguous. It is the finest magazine ever published. It has an Eustace Tilly, erudite, fussy reputation that may be undeserved. Or maybe it is deserved. At times, they take underhanded, cruel pot shots at the less clever wipes, but that is not what makes it a great magazine. The New Yorker tells compelling stories effortlessly.

I also read the Wall Street Journal everyday. Or, I should say, the WSJ arrives everyday and gets read many days. I am always on the lookout for a new angle, a marketing scheme, a tulip ponzi, a cachepot of rubes or a new dodgy scheme. Be assured, the schemes are very dodgy in the WSJ. Perhaps the dodgiest. Like the New Yorker, the WSJ is well written and reading the two in combination sets a high bar. Really ruins Hot Rod magazine.

A few weeks ago, the WSJ skewered The Complete New Yorker. Fairly and unfairly. The Complete NY'r comes on a whopping 8 DVDs, which means the disk swapping is truly gruesome. Memories of Mac Plus - and you thought you would never go back. Each DVD covers about 8-9 years, so if you are reading issues from a narrow time period, the swaps are minimal. But, if you are searching for a broad topic, it is pretty awful. Search for Chinatown tongs and the articles/cartoons are scattered all over 8 DVDs. But, you get there. That is the key. And that is exhilarating.

From August 3, 1929 - Niven Busch, Jr. --

Chinatown is controlled by the Hip Sings and the On Leongs, the two tongs. They are usually friendly, but when there is trouble, Chinatown is barred to visitors by the police. The real Chinatown is the triangle formed by the intersection of Mott and Doyers Streets with the Bowery. Tells about tongs. Chinatown is becoming Americanized. The first Chinese store opened in New York is still there, Wo Kee's Gift Shop, at 8 Mott Street. The Chinese are good at making money, but are secretive about what they have. Social superiority depends on culture. There is little gambling now and no public opium dens.

Which brings us to the next complaint. Clearly, that extract is not an article from the magazine and in fact, appears to have been written by a drunk 12 year old on a crosstown bus. You can not search the full text of the articles. Understandly, the OCRing would be a terrific undertaking. And proofreading a half million pages would exceed the available intern labor of the five boroughs.
Ideally, it would be great to have a yellowed scan of every page with some sort of click-to-open full text window. Given the choice between full text and scanned pages, I would pick the scanned pages everytime. It is more immediate and it feels like you are reading the magazine when it is in context - full of ads, the yellowed paper and the correct fonts. Overall the scanning is of a very high quality. Some halftoning problems and pages are sometimes crooked but in comparison to the $130 CD-ROM Mercedes Manuals, this is a near perfect reproduction. The Mercedes manuals are an abomination.

But then there is the copyright issue. Can the text be re-printed in a new format? Can it even be scanned for that matter? How could you possibly clear a half million pages?

My big gripe - then I will get back to the praise heaping - is that the whole thing can't be transferred to a harddrive. I have tried everything (put the djvu issue files in the Application Support Library, tried with alias', copied everything into a single directory, etc.) but I can not overcome the indexing that tells the application where to look for what. Has anybody figured this out?

All that aside, I am just extremely grateful that it exists. Whatever the limitations, it can not diminish how magnificent it is. Type anything. Here is an entry on hot rodding...

...almost all of them draped over their cars, the fence and each other in various attitudes of adolescent languor. There seemed to be as many girls as boys, and I notices a striking number of incendiary little blondes, slim as saplings, in toreador pants. The apparel of the rest of the group was decidely eclectic, and even verged on the burlesque of the garb favored by the sports-car crowd. Silk shirts with vertical stripes and narrow-visored caps, also striped, were much in evidence among the boys, but these, as likely as not, were worn with black leather jackets and dungarees, or even Army fatigue pants. Male headgear, above long sideburns, also ran to Confederate caps and outsize checked clown hats. Many of the youngsters - girls as well as boys - wore jackets with names like Bay Buggies, Piston Poppers, Throttle Jockeys, Hi-Way Men, Queens Rods, Drag-Ons, Clutch Busters and Asphalt Angels enbroidered on the back.

Adolescent langour! Striking number of indendiary little blondes, slim as saplings! Outsize checked clown hats! I have looked at 1000 old hot rod photos and have never seen as technicolor a vision as that paragraph. And it is even more compelling when it is adjacent to that ridiculous Fuller Fabrics ad. Makes me want to immediately buy a silk shirt with vertical stripes and a narrow visored cap. Clutch Busters!Anything you are passionate about, it has been in the New Yorker. Beautifully told, well illustrated, wonderfully photographed and, often, available nowhere else.

Search for 'Annals of Crime' and you get 133 results, including, of course, the first appearance of In Cold Blood. See why I haven't been blogging much lately? There is only one entry from the Annals of Habardashery and a single entry for the Annals of Intrigue but there are 131 entries for burlesque. Sure, J.D. Salinger, Dorothy Parker, EB White, Woody Allen, Raymond Carver, Prohibition, Mafia, Marshall Fields, Manson, Burroughs, Radiohead, Billie Holiday, Charles Addams, Race Cars, Pauline Kael on the Godfather, and all the stuff that any sensible person would search for, but the real jewels are the things you find by accident.

ANNALS OF IMPOSTURE: about Stephen Jacob Weinberg, alia Stanley Clifford Weyman, a dedicated impostor. He was in addition to being a lieutenant in the French Navy, several doctors of medicine, two phychiatrists, a number of officers in the U.S. Navy-ranking from lieutenant to admiral, five or six U.S. Army officers, a couple of lawyers, the State Dept. Naval Liaison Officer, an aviator, a sanitation expert, many consuls general, and a U.S. expert on Balkan and Asian affairs. He was sent to state & federal penitentiaries on 13 recorded times after his 21st birthday, & spent more than a third of his life inside them. He became Pola Negri's personal physician during the funeral of Rudolph Valentino, in '26, and acting out the role of public-relations adviser to Valentine's manager, he pretty much ran the whole fantastic funeral. Among his escapades was that of posing as "the State Department Naval Liaison Officer" he introduced Princess Fatima of Afghanistan, to President and Mrs. Harding at the White House. At that time Britain had no formal diplomatic relations with Afghanistan, a peace treaty by the two countries were pending, and Afghanistan had a mission visiting Washington. Tells about his capture by a State Dept. special agent, and his trial. For this exploit he was given a sentence of two years in a Federal penitentiary.

EB White on the death of JFK

With a half a million pages of the New Yorker in your laptop, why write another word?

UPDATE: I no longer recommend the Complete New Yorker. The content is not worth the packaging. And that is saying something.

Even Bad Days Garage Saling Are Pretty Good

2005-12-03T17:39:00.000-08:00

Despite inclimate weather and proximity to the holidays, we still managed to get out to the garage sales. Not the epic battles waged during the summer when garage sales are in such great quantity that it is nearly impossible to hit them all, but it is still garage saling. The pure pursuit as the great bargain theorists call it.

Charles Dickens - The Haunted House - Looks promising but a little weird as it appears to have been written by some sort of committee.

Kirk - Exploring Death Valley - I have about 15 books about Death Valley and do not tire of reading about the limited services at Stovepipe Wells and the Keane Wonder Mine.

Thor Heyerdahl - Aku-Aku - Coop found this one for me as he already has a copy. The dust jacket is in uncommonly sound condition which is good news as the Easter Island illustration is hard to beat.

Alistair Cooke's America - I read the forward this afternoon and am already sucked in. Nothing better than history well told.

Diving for Sunken Treasure by Jacques Yves Cousteau - Just as I will never understand the soda fountain poodle skirt pink Cadillac's of the generation before me, I would not expect another generation to understand the awesome net impact of Jacques Yves Cousteau on kids of the 70s. I feared this book would be a dated relic but it is just superb. It reads easily, the story unfolds with great drama and the whole thing is told in that delightful 'science by way of the brandy sniffer.' Wes Andersen did such a spectacular job of coloring in what kids still hope it is like.Forget scuba gear - just give me my pipe and a sledgehammer. If the pictures are indicative of the wardrobe expectations aboard the Calypso, it appears that the only requirements were a trim pair of short pants and a pipe. I often bemoan the lack of great diagrams and illustrations in books. Sure, it is time consuming and less sexy than photographs, but a great diagram tells a story in a page that can not be told any better. Granted I can't even scan this page straight, much less draw such a compelling work.
So, in this superduper electronic age where everybody is more clever than everybody else, what kid still reads Diving for Sunken Treasure? Glen! Glen that drew this wonderful map of Glen's Shadowy Motocrossers Course and left it between the pages. Click this picture and click it again. Get it as big as you can. It is worth it. In addition to a legend and the robust accuracy, Glen offers quite a bit of narrative ("Neil Ate it Here Twice (2)! Ha Ha!"), guidance ("Uphill Sandy (Watch It!)") and commentary ("Dropaway with Ruts Underneath (ugh!)").

It is a great map.

Allen - Entering Space - Of the many things that I love about the Apollo space program, probably the most compelling aspect is the fact that they brought their own car. They have a rocket and a lunar lander, which speaks to a very limited amount of space, but they forgo all sorts of little comforts to bring an entire car! I would love to learn how to library bulletproof books like this volume. With the stamped title on the spine. Seems labor intensive.

Audsley and Audsley - Victorian Floral Cut & Use Stencils - What can I say? When you need a Victorian stencil, you need it!

Herge - Tintin The Red Sea Sharks & Tintin in Tibet - So gooood. Clean, clear beautiful and Herge knows a thing or two about http://mapage.noos.fr/dardelf3/tintin/.